Saturday, June 25, 2011

Fool me once, shame on you.

Fool me twice, shame on me. 

Right now, I'm not smiling.  For a Friday, I didn't make that much.  And it's partly because I got stiffed.  I did a lap dance for someone and he didn't pay me.  So I felt really fucked.  But I just had to convince myself that's it's just one dance.  Not worth getting bent out of shape over. 

Well, it happened again.  This time for two songs.  I got ripped off double time.  Don't I learn my lesson?!  I feel so fucking stupid for letting this happen to me.  I'm just really mad. 

If you're a guy reading this, don't ever stiff a stripper.  I know you'll probably never see the bitch again, but it's fucking bad karma.  If you don't believe in karma, and you've stiffed a dancer, you deserve to die.  For one thing, it's bad to be cheap, especially in a strip club.  Not one man has any business being cheap.  And if you're a woman, stay in the car if you don't want to see your man waste what would've been the house payment, or gas money, or whatever you could've spent it on.  We hate watching you stop him from giving us money. 

Ugh, I want to talk more hatefully about ass holes that stiff strippers.  Yes, we're fools for not charging up front.  But don't do girls over like that.  The reason we don't charge up front is that guys get huffy and only wanna pay for one when we ask up front (which needs to stop).  If you wanna play you gotta pay.  And he might've spent more if we didn't seem so greedy when all we're really doing is covering our own ass.

But after getting screwed out of getting paid for three lap dances, it adds up.  Guys don't realize that I don't really do that many lap dances throughout the night.  Just because the amount of money we charge per song adds up to more than $300 an hour, doesn't mean we make $300 an hour, adding up to about two grand a night if that were really the case. 

The only people I've heard of making that much money are doctors.  I need to become a vasectomy doctor.  I learned that the local vasectomy doctor earns $500 for every dick he snips.  I want to snip dicks and get paid for it.  And he does between 5 and 10 a day.  So he's rich.  I know I couldn't spend that kinda cash quick enough.

So, my message to the guys that are thinking about trying a bitch at the club: you will burn in a lake of fire if you don't pay for your lap dances.  It's cruel to make us rub our bodies on your fucking rager and just go, "Oh, I'm going out to the car to get my cash."


That's all I wanted to say to him.  I knew as soon as he was out that door he wasn't coming back.  Fucking ass hole.  I hope he dies a miserable death very soon.  I remember reading The Walking Dead, which is a zombie comic, and I remember one of the female characters got imprisoned and tortured.  She broke out somehow and returned the favor to the man that tortured her, except he eventually died from all the things she did to him, like nail his dick to a wooden 2 by 4.  She also took some pliers and plucked off his entire fingernails.  She even put a power drill to his shoulder and squeezed the trigger.  I'm starting to smile now.  I should, because in all reality, no douche bag as low as he is on the food chain is going to fucking screw up my mood for the night.  I can save my tears for the real problems I leave at home.

Is it bad that I smile while thinking of these morbid thoughts?