I am a fucking bazooka!

I just felt like saying that. Yeah, I know I'm weird. But that is why I'm awesome.

I decided that I'm going to quit the club I work at now to work full nude. I don't make enough money where I work now and I am quite sick of seeing certain faces.

A new chapter in my stripping career shall begin!

I despise the music he plays for me.

I worked the day shift and had to pay the day DJ and the night DJ. I don't like the night DJ because he never plays music I like. I never said I like R&B and whenever I go on stage he plays stupid R&B songs that totally suck.

How the hell am I supposed to put on a show if I can't move right to the music? I think he does it to piss me off. Even customers don't like the music he plays for me. So why did I have to pay him?

Well, the night-time manager is a hustler... I mean a good businessman.

He said that if I make money on his shift (which starts at 7) that I have to tip everyone out. Since I did quite a few dances between 7 and 8, I had to pay. I had to pay for a DJ that plays shitty music, I had to pay for a floor host that didn't even walk me out when I left, and I had to pay the manager for having shots with the customers.

But at least I'm not broke. I'm workin tomorrow. Talk to you later.

I've been working, really.

Ugh, working as a full time student and a part time stripper can really get exhausting. I haven't had the energy or the willpower to write this weekend, and that is sad.

...

I still don't feel like writing anything.

I feel like nothing has changed. It's the same old shit, different day kinda thing. I put up with nice men and selfish-prick-ass-hole-douchebag-looking-for-a-cheap-whore men.

I made shit money two nights, and I made damn good money one night.

I would have said the same thing I've said before.

I feel like I'm detaching from my soul more. I work so much and I work so hard at school. I have no time for me.

I'm not coming up with excuses, now. I really can show you why I have no time, but I don't have to recall every detail, now. I am anonymous and I am a character, but I am real. And I think that it's dangerous for a girl to let the entire world know every dark corner of her.

Just know that Bella Hack is really a good girl, just sometimes does bad things.

What bad things? I'll tell you next post.

Why can't every night be like this...

Where I have the men asking me to do private rooms, one after the other?  Why, God?!

WHY?!??!

I'm soo pleased with my earnings tonight.  Don't know if I should spend it on rent or other things...

I hope I can keep this streak going.  May I have the best of luck!  Until then!

The beginning was great

I got off to a great start today.  I worked the pole and the very first customer in the building bought a private room with me.  He was sold.  It was great, I wish this happened all the time. 

I've noticed that all the girls to the same moves I do on the stage.  I don't try to really dance like anyone else.  I just move with the music and try to be sexy.

I didn't really have much business other than that guy, which kinda sucks for my money but I'll be alright.

Now that I've had my shower...

I've collected more thoughts. 

I think I need therapy after witnessing all the fucked up shit at the club.  Whores, ass holes, and enablers. 

Another douche bag told me the only way I'd turn him on is if I sucked his cock.  FUCK really?!  He gets credit for being honest, but still counts as a loser to me.  That rubbed me the wrong way.  So I walked into the dressing room to collect myself and tried not to be mad.

I really wish I wasn't present for the discussion between the two women in the dressing room today.  I won't mention their names because they could get arrested for what they're doing, to say the least.  But I'm not here to tell you the least.  I'll tell you what they said. 

These women work hard but they're gross.  Straight up whores.  They did quite a few VIP rooms before 5.  One was already on her way out and the other was just gathering her dollars she just earned from her last room.  The one on her way out asked the other to come in and work with her the next day.  It was clear the other didn't want to work tomorrow.  Well, the one on her way out was on something that made her way out of her mind because she offered the other girl her condoms and some pills for coming in tomorrow to work with her. 

The other one must have been so embarrassed when her "friend" was saying all that shit out loud.  I feel bad for them because what they're doing is gross, no question.

Oh and that reminds me I should lock the door when I go to the bathroom just when I need to wash my hands.  The pole makes my hands smell metally so I usually just go to the bathroom after my stage and wash my hands and don't use the toilet.  Well, the girl on her way out, before she left, she walks into the bathroom (meant for one person) and asks if she can pee.  Honestly, I don't care as long as they don't touch me but seriously, some girls should be more shy.  Then she started talking about how sexy my ass is and how pretty I am.   

Thanks for the compliment... are you done talking? 

Then she complains to me she can't pee because I'm making her nervous...

What is this world coming to?  I understand everyone likes to get high and drunk but when will conscience ever come into play?  I know the strip club is not the place for that, but it doesn't matter.  Your conscience will be waiting for you in the car when you leave.

I know that writing this won't change anything.  I don't expect it to, but I just wish I didn't know these girls' business.  I wish these girls in the right direction, but I know some of them just don't want to be helped.  Yet deep down inside they want to be clean so bad.  But at the same time they want that pill so bad.  It just makes everything better for them.  It takes too much for them to make that change.

But what really got to me was what happened after I posted my previous entry.  I read what I posted and I thought to myself, "I do not deserve what happened today."  Then I started crying.  I know I choose to strip, but guys do these things because other girls let them so they think it's okay and it's not!

I feel like saying that in a crazy hormonal kind of way when I say that it's not okay.  Like, "It's NOT OKAY!  It's NOT!" while furiously shaking my head.

Men should never ever touch a woman like that.  Just because my co-workers are whores doesn't mean that all strippers are.  There are some girls doing this job that still have a bright future.  We should be treated like ladies because we have the guts to do this job in the first place. 

I'm a damn good entertainer and I love to put on a good show.  But douche bags really spoil the mood.  Nothing turns off women and most men more than abuse toward women. 

And I wish the management DID something about these sleazy men and these skanky whores.  It's not like they don't know these girls are complete whores.  I guess they can't prove it... but it would be really simple.  Undercover cop.  These girls are ruining my business and I want them OUT!

I need therapy.  Too bad it's not free.

There are nice guys and there are douche bags.

I encountered both today. The nice guy gave me money for a lap dance and asked me to just keep talking to him. The douche bag blatantly grabbed my crotch very offensively while I was on stage. I know at least three of the men in that building would have gladly assisted me in breaking his face. Absolutely unacceptable. I expressed that clearly but didn't beat his ass. I wish I did now that I look back at it.

I told the nice guy that I prayed for more men like him to show up. And I mean that. Seriously there are not enough gentlemen anymore. One of my friends said that clubs used to be so much nicer because they were so expensive. Now that there are so many competing clubs in the area, they are whored out and available to every deadbeat loser that desires a pretty lady. I seriously don't get paid enough for what I do, either.

I still wish that douche bag got his teeth knocked out. I hope the whore that bangs him tonight gives him the clap. Fucking filthy ass hole.

May I have better luck tomorrow.

Until then, take care.