Friday, January 7, 2011

First day back

It's 5 p.m. right now.  I have to be at work in a few hours and I just do not want to go. 

But it's time to make money.  The food doesn't put itself on the table.  That's the downfall of vacation.  I got lazy and used to being lazy.  I spent the whole time with my boyfriend that I absolutely love and now I'm back in town... away from him.  Again.

I have to detach myself from him again.  I don't want to.  It sucks and it tears up my heart every time I come home, but it is impossible to work and flirt with other men and be successful at it without doing this.  I have to mentally block him from my mind.  It's hard to do while sober, but whenever I think about my boyfriend I just have to close my eyes and pretend the guy I'm with at the club is him.

I have never accidentally called anyone my boyfriend's name before, and I don't think I will.  When the times goes on, and my boyfriend isn't so fresh in my memory, then I don't have any trouble at work.  The first month or so is always the worst.  I usually have to depend on my financial aid I get from school to support myself when I come home, which is a good crutch.

For now, it's time to just go to work, get saturated in that poisonous environment, and carry on just like in November.  I got my good break and now it's time to go back to being responsible, as much as I don't want to, now is the time.  Time for work.  Time to carry on. 

Time - when you have to wait for a lot of it, it's never on your side.