It's 5 p.m. right now. I have to be at work in a few hours and I just do not want to go.
But it's time to make money. The food doesn't put itself on the table. That's the downfall of vacation. I got lazy and used to being lazy. I spent the whole time with my boyfriend that I absolutely love and now I'm back in town... away from him. Again.
I have to detach myself from him again. I don't want to. It sucks and it tears up my heart every time I come home, but it is impossible to work and flirt with other men and be successful at it without doing this. I have to mentally block him from my mind. It's hard to do while sober, but whenever I think about my boyfriend I just have to close my eyes and pretend the guy I'm with at the club is him.
I have never accidentally called anyone my boyfriend's name before, and I don't think I will. When the times goes on, and my boyfriend isn't so fresh in my memory, then I don't have any trouble at work. The first month or so is always the worst. I usually have to depend on my financial aid I get from school to support myself when I come home, which is a good crutch.
For now, it's time to just go to work, get saturated in that poisonous environment, and carry on just like in November. I got my good break and now it's time to go back to being responsible, as much as I don't want to, now is the time. Time for work. Time to carry on.
Time - when you have to wait for a lot of it, it's never on your side.