Friday, December 23, 2011

Fast food before work

Sometimes I feel lonely when I eat by myself at the fast food joint nearby work.

I feel like I should be on a date at Red Lobster eating some delicious crab legs and biscuits.

I guess the one upside to eating alone at this place allows me to shamelessly gobble 50 grams of fat in one sitting. And I mean shameless.

I got mayo coming off of my mouth and grease on my chin. Someone get me a napkin, please.

I love my feast before work. It's like fuel for my gas tank. Oh god so many fart jokes just came to mind, I gotta go!

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Busy weekend, must be that impending holiday cheer.

I had a lot of advantage this weekend.  A lot of events in town close to the club, plus it's the perfect time of the year for a little giving.  :)

I did phenomenal this weekend.  I wish every weekend was like this.  But I busted my ass each night this weekend, Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights.  The perfect time for partying.  Everyone had a party on every night this weekend and I had to miss out on all of them.  But my paycheck makes it hard to say it was a bad decision to work instead. 

I'm sure there will be plenty more opportunities especially since Christmas is coming up.  Everyone is starting to get a little more time off.  Many of my friends are feeling so joyful right now.  I'm so happy to hear they're doing well. 

What's even better is I now have time to see my friends during the week since I made a week's worth of money over three nights.  That leaves all this week to see the people I love.  And that is one of the bright sides of my job that I don't think gets enough attention.  I work about 20 hours a week.  I love my free time.

I'm thinking I might have a light work week ahead of me this coming week because of Christmas.  I don't expect much business on Christmas Eve, which is Saturday night.  Might have to just stick with what I make on Thursday and Friday night. 

Monday, November 14, 2011

I did a lot of riding this weekend...

now my butt is sore.  ;)

Motorcycles are great. 

So while my pussy acted like a hissing vulture to anything with testosterone, I got out and just did what I wanted.  I saw my old friends, I got some SOUL back. 

But now I'm piss broke again.  Looks like I'll be hitting the pole sometime during the middle of the week. 

Friday, November 11, 2011

Fuck you, Aunt Flo

Next time you run me over with that hormonal cycle I'll get a hysterectomy!

Just kidding.  Having no uterus means I'll never get horny again and I can't live with that.  Not to mention shaving a mustache.  And who wants to be on a lifetime prescription for replacement hormones?  I think I'll deal with red tide taking me out of work this weekend.

I will live.  My bills are paid for now. 

And even though Aunt Flo is a BITCH that makes me STAY HOME ON THE WEEKEND, the good news is I'm not pregnant.  Yesss!

No more breaks in birth control.  When I take it normally, I never get a period (which is a blessing).  Next time I won't wait a week when I run out. 

But no babies expected! 

So tonight instead of going to work or getting my freak on, I'm gonna get my geek on instead.  Call of Duty here I come!


Tuesday, September 27, 2011


Reality has mauled me in the face.  It's kinda like getting hit in the face by a truck. 

See I have a college degree now, since last August.  I try not to put too much personal information in this but I have a job interview tomorrow FOR A REAL JOB.  I'm too excited. 

I don't know how much it pays but I hope it's enough for me to quit dancing. 

I can't be working at the club one night and all of a sudden someone in management sees me on stage.  I wouldn't even have to see him for my career to be over. 

I danced my way through college, just like that tale you hear about some girls.  Well, I'm one of them and I can't be the only one.  So now that I'm done with college, it's time to make some money with what I learned. 

I'm scared shitless but I'm just going to have to put my game on.  I've never had a job interview like this before and the lack of experience is driving me nuts.  I just need to remember that I am qualified for this job.  Degree, internship, I never gave up. 

But giving up stripping.   Oh, it's gonna hurt.  >.<


Sunday, September 11, 2011

Half empty or half full?

I've been sitting here trying to think of what stood out to me... oh.

The fact that I made half as much as I made last night.  That kind of sucks.  I guess I brought it upon myself.  I made mistakes tonight.  I wasted a lot of time.  Many customers weren't tipping and I didn't feel like beating it out of them. 

It just sucks to make half as much because when I think of it, I got shot down twice as much.  I got too many no's.  Stupid Saturday night.  I expected to do better tonight. 

A particular regular customer has lost interest in me and is now giving money to Whoreface, one of my co-workers.  I don't know why I call her that... I just don't like her.  I'm jealous, that's what it is.  I don't know the girl, but she's just better than me in ways I wish I was better.  I'm just pissed I haven't risen to her level yet.  I know she makes more money than me.  She has better game.  I want better game.

Perhaps it's the player - me.  I think I just played a piss poor game tonight, unlike last night.  I shouldn't have spent the most amount of time with the guys that paid the least.  Bad move. 

Guess I'll just have to do better next time.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

I rode a girl and I liked it!

So I gave a lap dance to my very first female customer last night!  Boy, did she love it.  She had her hips tilted forward so my ass could hit her clit real good.  She got really into it, but the best part was I wasn't disgusted by her!  She was a little handsy but she didn't cross any lines.  Actually, the best part was she tipped me very well.

I wore my gun shoes and I forgot how heavy they are!  They felt like lead weights attached to my feet.  Thing is, I don't think any of the "metal" on my shoes is really metal.  So that doesn't really make sense. 

I've really gotta get back in shape.  Even when I take five days off, you would think that only five days you wouldn't lose strength.  Well, you do.  If you work out all the time, a day or two off is cool, but not five.  I'm slower on the pole and the tricks seem to be harder.  I just don't fly up the pole like I used to when I climb it.  Grr!  Brrawr!  I gotta become a beast again. 

Well, I'm sure that will happen since I have another deadline to make a certain amount of cash before my interest rate goes through the roof.  It's a pretty big goal to reach, too.  I'm going to have to work like, 4 days a week minimum.  I'm not sure how that's going to work.  I don't think I've ever worked that many days in a week.  Well, I probably have and I was probably regretting it. 

I remember when I'd save my work nights for Thursday through Saturday nights.  I'd be okay on Thursday, dancing with no problems, doing awesome pole tricks and my knees didn't hurt.  But on Friday I'd be pretty sore and by Saturday night my knees would be pretty bruised, my muscles would ache so bad and my  morale would be low.

Speaking of low morale, I've noticed that my low self-esteem is starting to show at work.  Or maybe it's the frustration of not getting laid.  Someone actually told me I needed to get laid.  And he wasn't joking.  But I think if I don't get any, I get depressed.  It shouldn't be like that.  I need to be okay, dick or no dick. 

I thought that I might be bipolar, because I'm just waiting for my mania phase to come back and get me out of this depression slump!  When I'm in my mania phase, I let the stripper side of me take over.  The stripper side of me is a ruthless, heartless bitch who gets things done, feelings aside.  She's the outgoing person that does all the things my shy side is too scared to do.  My shy side is the one that keeps me out of trouble, though, but has no balls. 

I know you're probably thinking, jeez girl, get help!

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

The 4th was good.

Not the 5th.

Because none of the girls would dare work on the 4th of July. So it was nice and quiet, the few customers that came were good spenders.

The problem with tonight was the fact that all the girls that worked there blew all their cash on the 4th and needed to work the next night. So on a slow ass Tuesday night, we had tons of girls, but not enough guys. Most businesses call it blowing labor, except the club doesn't pay us a wage so they could care less. The more the merrier.

Seriously, what's wrong with more tits n ass?

I'm taking tomorrow off. My body has had enough. But I must go back on Thursday. I am not satisfied with the amount of cash I've made.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Fool me once, shame on you.

Fool me twice, shame on me. 

Right now, I'm not smiling.  For a Friday, I didn't make that much.  And it's partly because I got stiffed.  I did a lap dance for someone and he didn't pay me.  So I felt really fucked.  But I just had to convince myself that's it's just one dance.  Not worth getting bent out of shape over. 

Well, it happened again.  This time for two songs.  I got ripped off double time.  Don't I learn my lesson?!  I feel so fucking stupid for letting this happen to me.  I'm just really mad. 

If you're a guy reading this, don't ever stiff a stripper.  I know you'll probably never see the bitch again, but it's fucking bad karma.  If you don't believe in karma, and you've stiffed a dancer, you deserve to die.  For one thing, it's bad to be cheap, especially in a strip club.  Not one man has any business being cheap.  And if you're a woman, stay in the car if you don't want to see your man waste what would've been the house payment, or gas money, or whatever you could've spent it on.  We hate watching you stop him from giving us money. 

Ugh, I want to talk more hatefully about ass holes that stiff strippers.  Yes, we're fools for not charging up front.  But don't do girls over like that.  The reason we don't charge up front is that guys get huffy and only wanna pay for one when we ask up front (which needs to stop).  If you wanna play you gotta pay.  And he might've spent more if we didn't seem so greedy when all we're really doing is covering our own ass.

But after getting screwed out of getting paid for three lap dances, it adds up.  Guys don't realize that I don't really do that many lap dances throughout the night.  Just because the amount of money we charge per song adds up to more than $300 an hour, doesn't mean we make $300 an hour, adding up to about two grand a night if that were really the case. 

The only people I've heard of making that much money are doctors.  I need to become a vasectomy doctor.  I learned that the local vasectomy doctor earns $500 for every dick he snips.  I want to snip dicks and get paid for it.  And he does between 5 and 10 a day.  So he's rich.  I know I couldn't spend that kinda cash quick enough.

So, my message to the guys that are thinking about trying a bitch at the club: you will burn in a lake of fire if you don't pay for your lap dances.  It's cruel to make us rub our bodies on your fucking rager and just go, "Oh, I'm going out to the car to get my cash."


That's all I wanted to say to him.  I knew as soon as he was out that door he wasn't coming back.  Fucking ass hole.  I hope he dies a miserable death very soon.  I remember reading The Walking Dead, which is a zombie comic, and I remember one of the female characters got imprisoned and tortured.  She broke out somehow and returned the favor to the man that tortured her, except he eventually died from all the things she did to him, like nail his dick to a wooden 2 by 4.  She also took some pliers and plucked off his entire fingernails.  She even put a power drill to his shoulder and squeezed the trigger.  I'm starting to smile now.  I should, because in all reality, no douche bag as low as he is on the food chain is going to fucking screw up my mood for the night.  I can save my tears for the real problems I leave at home.

Is it bad that I smile while thinking of these morbid thoughts?

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Mondays are slow.


It wasn't that bad though, but I didn't make as much as I normally do.  I wanna have a good night every night.

Are there just some people out in the world that just have that sales talent?  I know there are people that can sell shit on a stick, but they pitch it like it's Pocky.

I'm not one of those people.  I learned over the past few years that you have to be heartless if you want to make good money.  The banks didn't get rich by not soullessly charging interest and late fees.  I wish I could charge a $35 douche bag fee.  Any time a guy acts like a tool, I wish I could just mind control him, make him pull out a couple of twenties, give them to me and walk away.

But if I could mind control people, this world would be all kinds of fucked up.  But I bet I could fix a lot of shit in spite of that.  And I wouldn't be working in this stupid club.  Because I could get a lot more money mind controlling the people at the bank...

Thursday, May 19, 2011

My guns came in!

My kicks kick ass.  I had a nice four days off.  Could I be any lazier?  I'll be working the next three nights.  No nights off.  I have to make up for lost time and I need to save up for impending vacation!

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

That thing called school

I'm done with it now.  Time to get to work, dig myself outta debt, and enjoy my life.  I hope I can retire from this ASAP! 

I've realized that I'm just SO BORED with this job.  It's the same, mindless conversation after the next.  I just want to say, "alright, give me your money so I can rub my naked body on you."  Just get it over with. 

I'm so sick of these ass holes that come in and I'm so sick of all the bitches and hoes.  Guys, if you're not going to spend money, get the fuck out.  Girls, keep the dick out of your holes, you don't need to do that.  If you need to, you can work outside on the street.  Keep that shit out of the club, please.

I don't wanna act like I'm too good for the club (actually I do), but I know my brain can do way more than what I'm doing now.

Monday, April 4, 2011

What a good first weekend

I can't believe I made more money on a Sunday during DAY SHIFT than I did on Friday and Saturday. This is the best switch I've ever made. I can't believe I didn't do this sooner.

It just goes to show that it doesn't matter what day of the week a girl works. It is all about the guys that come in. When I worked night shift at the topless bar, I switched to day shift and the pay was no different. I made the same amount of money working the day shift.

I'm sure night shift at this new club might be different. They said it gets so packed to the point where you're bumping elbows with everyone. I think I could probably double what I made working day shift, but I'm going to wait about a month until I'm done with the spring semester before I tackle that animal.

I'm planning to do amazing this summer. If I don't get the daytime internship I want, I will switch to night shift. This summer it will be too hot to do anything during the daytime anyway. I'm looking forward to watching the sunset when I wake up and the sunrise when I go home.

I miss those days (or nights, really) and can't wait to get them back. This time the paychecks will be bigger!

Friday, April 1, 2011

Successful switch

Now that's more like it! Today was my first day working at the nude club and I pulled in a good amount of cash. Let's just say you would cry tears of joy.

I'm not quite there yet but I know I won't be homeless. Rent was due today but I have until the third to pay it. At this rate I will have some to spare after work tomorrow.

Working nude doesn't feel any different than topless. There is no smoking in this place, which I find surprising. But it's great because my hair doesn't stink like cigarettes when I get home. Since it is full nude, they don't serve alcohol, which is great because now I don't have to worry about becoming an alcoholic. Drinking three times a week got me into a little habit that I never asked for.

The only thing I will miss from the titty bar is the spinning pole. This pole I'm working now doesn't spin and I can't spin for days like I used to. So now it is time for me to learn new tricks. I was surprised I could still do some cool moves even though I'm not getting dizzy. I'll miss it for sure, but not enough for me to go back to that fucking whorehouse.

Goodbye shit show. I'm working at a real club now.

Monday, March 28, 2011

I am a fucking bazooka!

I just felt like saying that. Yeah, I know I'm weird. But that is why I'm awesome.

I decided that I'm going to quit the club I work at now to work full nude. I don't make enough money where I work now and I am quite sick of seeing certain faces.

A new chapter in my stripping career shall begin!

Thursday, March 10, 2011

I despise the music he plays for me.

I worked the day shift and had to pay the day DJ and the night DJ. I don't like the night DJ because he never plays music I like. I never said I like R&B and whenever I go on stage he plays stupid R&B songs that totally suck.

How the hell am I supposed to put on a show if I can't move right to the music? I think he does it to piss me off. Even customers don't like the music he plays for me. So why did I have to pay him?

Well, the night-time manager is a hustler... I mean a good businessman.

He said that if I make money on his shift (which starts at 7) that I have to tip everyone out. Since I did quite a few dances between 7 and 8, I had to pay. I had to pay for a DJ that plays shitty music, I had to pay for a floor host that didn't even walk me out when I left, and I had to pay the manager for having shots with the customers.

But at least I'm not broke. I'm workin tomorrow. Talk to you later.

Monday, March 7, 2011

I've been working, really.

Ugh, working as a full time student and a part time stripper can really get exhausting. I haven't had the energy or the willpower to write this weekend, and that is sad.


I still don't feel like writing anything.

I feel like nothing has changed. It's the same old shit, different day kinda thing. I put up with nice men and selfish-prick-ass-hole-douchebag-looking-for-a-cheap-whore men.

I made shit money two nights, and I made damn good money one night.

I would have said the same thing I've said before.

I feel like I'm detaching from my soul more. I work so much and I work so hard at school. I have no time for me.

I'm not coming up with excuses, now. I really can show you why I have no time, but I don't have to recall every detail, now. I am anonymous and I am a character, but I am real. And I think that it's dangerous for a girl to let the entire world know every dark corner of her.

Just know that Bella Hack is really a good girl, just sometimes does bad things.

What bad things? I'll tell you next post.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Why can't every night be like this...

Where I have the men asking me to do private rooms, one after the other?  Why, God?!


I'm soo pleased with my earnings tonight.  Don't know if I should spend it on rent or other things...

I hope I can keep this streak going.  May I have the best of luck!  Until then!

Sunday, February 13, 2011

The beginning was great

I got off to a great start today.  I worked the pole and the very first customer in the building bought a private room with me.  He was sold.  It was great, I wish this happened all the time. 

I've noticed that all the girls to the same moves I do on the stage.  I don't try to really dance like anyone else.  I just move with the music and try to be sexy.

I didn't really have much business other than that guy, which kinda sucks for my money but I'll be alright.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Now that I've had my shower...

I've collected more thoughts. 

I think I need therapy after witnessing all the fucked up shit at the club.  Whores, ass holes, and enablers. 

Another douche bag told me the only way I'd turn him on is if I sucked his cock.  FUCK really?!  He gets credit for being honest, but still counts as a loser to me.  That rubbed me the wrong way.  So I walked into the dressing room to collect myself and tried not to be mad.

I really wish I wasn't present for the discussion between the two women in the dressing room today.  I won't mention their names because they could get arrested for what they're doing, to say the least.  But I'm not here to tell you the least.  I'll tell you what they said. 

These women work hard but they're gross.  Straight up whores.  They did quite a few VIP rooms before 5.  One was already on her way out and the other was just gathering her dollars she just earned from her last room.  The one on her way out asked the other to come in and work with her the next day.  It was clear the other didn't want to work tomorrow.  Well, the one on her way out was on something that made her way out of her mind because she offered the other girl her condoms and some pills for coming in tomorrow to work with her. 

The other one must have been so embarrassed when her "friend" was saying all that shit out loud.  I feel bad for them because what they're doing is gross, no question.

Oh and that reminds me I should lock the door when I go to the bathroom just when I need to wash my hands.  The pole makes my hands smell metally so I usually just go to the bathroom after my stage and wash my hands and don't use the toilet.  Well, the girl on her way out, before she left, she walks into the bathroom (meant for one person) and asks if she can pee.  Honestly, I don't care as long as they don't touch me but seriously, some girls should be more shy.  Then she started talking about how sexy my ass is and how pretty I am.   

Thanks for the compliment... are you done talking? 

Then she complains to me she can't pee because I'm making her nervous...

What is this world coming to?  I understand everyone likes to get high and drunk but when will conscience ever come into play?  I know the strip club is not the place for that, but it doesn't matter.  Your conscience will be waiting for you in the car when you leave.

I know that writing this won't change anything.  I don't expect it to, but I just wish I didn't know these girls' business.  I wish these girls in the right direction, but I know some of them just don't want to be helped.  Yet deep down inside they want to be clean so bad.  But at the same time they want that pill so bad.  It just makes everything better for them.  It takes too much for them to make that change.

But what really got to me was what happened after I posted my previous entry.  I read what I posted and I thought to myself, "I do not deserve what happened today."  Then I started crying.  I know I choose to strip, but guys do these things because other girls let them so they think it's okay and it's not!

I feel like saying that in a crazy hormonal kind of way when I say that it's not okay.  Like, "It's NOT OKAY!  It's NOT!" while furiously shaking my head.

Men should never ever touch a woman like that.  Just because my co-workers are whores doesn't mean that all strippers are.  There are some girls doing this job that still have a bright future.  We should be treated like ladies because we have the guts to do this job in the first place. 

I'm a damn good entertainer and I love to put on a good show.  But douche bags really spoil the mood.  Nothing turns off women and most men more than abuse toward women. 

And I wish the management DID something about these sleazy men and these skanky whores.  It's not like they don't know these girls are complete whores.  I guess they can't prove it... but it would be really simple.  Undercover cop.  These girls are ruining my business and I want them OUT!

I need therapy.  Too bad it's not free.

There are nice guys and there are douche bags.

I encountered both today. The nice guy gave me money for a lap dance and asked me to just keep talking to him. The douche bag blatantly grabbed my crotch very offensively while I was on stage. I know at least three of the men in that building would have gladly assisted me in breaking his face. Absolutely unacceptable. I expressed that clearly but didn't beat his ass. I wish I did now that I look back at it.

I told the nice guy that I prayed for more men like him to show up. And I mean that. Seriously there are not enough gentlemen anymore. One of my friends said that clubs used to be so much nicer because they were so expensive. Now that there are so many competing clubs in the area, they are whored out and available to every deadbeat loser that desires a pretty lady. I seriously don't get paid enough for what I do, either.

I still wish that douche bag got his teeth knocked out. I hope the whore that bangs him tonight gives him the clap. Fucking filthy ass hole.

May I have better luck tomorrow.

Until then, take care.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Finally, I'm back.

I love financial aid. I have skipped work almost every night in the past two weeks.

But tonight I worked. Well, today. My sleep schedule is much earlier than it used to be. Working night shift is hard now. So I worked the day shift and made pretty good money to my surprise.

Men are still getting too close for my comfort, though. This means I still have some bit of my soul left. I'm not quite back into hustler mode yet. At that point I don't mind it too much when men get a little close. I feel like it takes me a good solid month of work in before I get that game back. But until then, I hate doing private rooms.

What is it with the private dances being where the money is at? I wish stage tips were bigger and I wish I could make way more than I do. That way I wouldn't have to do lap dances. No one likes them anyway.

I'm not a hooker like some of the dancers I work with, so when they expect more than what I want to give them, I am just a disappointment or a rip-off. I want my customers to feel like they were lucky to buy a dance from me.

God, is there such a fantasy strip club out there that I can work at and be happy? Where all the gentlemen are gentlemen, they look, feel and smell good, have no bills smaller than 5 in their fat wallets. And clean shaved, fresh breath, respectful and generous.

And in this club no dancer leaves work without making at least $500 without having to suck or fuck one cock. All of them would be super hot, smart and cool. None of them would be into pills, all of them would laugh at the mere thought of a guy offering them money for sex.

Also, the DJ would be super hot and play the best music to fuck to, playing up the mood of the place, enhancing business. The pole will be a spinning pole, because they're so much fun. No one would be a smoker.

God I fucking hate the way my hair smells when I get home from work. It still stinks after i wash it twice and condition it for the full 3 minutes. I've tried all kinds of shampoo and none of them can really get the smell out.

It smells like that perfect blend of a carton of cigarettes, other bitches' hairspray and what I like to call whore spray. That fucking cheap body mist crap. The girls are so fucking ignorant with that shit. They'll spray about 20 times the needed amount. And then I can't breathe in the dressing room.

Oh and they'll do it while I'm eating too. Or they'll smoke in the dressing room where there is a sign that says no smoking in the dressing room.

Some girls just really need to screw on their heads a bit tighter.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Sunday night off

My knees fucking hurt. I am so glad I had tonight off. Even though I want more money, I can't be that brutal to my out of shape body.

I return to school tomorrow anyway. I would rather get a good night of sleep which means I should go to bed now.

I will be back to work on Thursday night. I am sure i will have plenty of juicy stories that night. There is never a dull moment in that place. Until then, enjoy the week.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Wow... it was obviously my first night back.

Financially, tonight... I get an F. 


You stupid fuck, a monkey can make more money than you doing this shit.  

I'm hard on myself.  I didn't do THAT bad.  But I would be homeless if I kept making the same money I made tonight. 

But it was my first night back.  Wahh.  It was hoppin' when I first came in slightly before 8, but then it died down very quickly. 

Since it was my first night back, all the bar staff was incredibly happy to see me again.  They all were like, "Oh my GOD!  Where've you been?  I missed you."  The DJ is hawt.  He is the definition of temptation.  But we both know he doesn't want anything serious, and I think I would want more than what I know I would get if I fucked him.  I feel it's better that way because I am afraid the results of it will not be what I want.  But I just enjoy teasing the hell out of him.  I will have to admit it's pretty fucking great waving it in front of his face when he can't get it!

Fuck I'm mean.  Anyway...

As we hug he also says into my shoulder, "Ohghghghhh," then he looks up and me and says, "I am so glad to see you again."

So after I'm dressed up, I head out into the "pit."  Basically it's the inside of the club.  Anywhere I can run into a guy that is a potential customer is what I like to call the pit.  Before I even get to the bar, a customer sees my ass and wants me to turn around and talk to him.

I'm already thinking, "Wow, that was quick.  Already?"  I turn around and I see this ugly ass perv in his late 40s, maybe even early 50s.  He stinks of booze and he grabs my ass and tries to kiss me. 

Gross!  Get away from me!

I move my cheek in the way to dodge his filthy lips.  Then he pecks my cheek and I'm still thinking -

Ugh, disgusting.

As I tried to sell a lap dance to him, he kept trying to see if I'll be "extra nice" to him in the private room.  I kept being as ambiguous as can be and said, "I never admit the naughty things I do back there, hehe," and I winked. 

I just kept trying to dodge saying I would do it because he knew deep down I would bust his balls since I guess I didn't act the way actual hookers do.  I don't look that stupid and sometimes that backfires at work.  Maybe I should just name a fast price and act like a skank.  Then go to the back room, and as soon as he whips it out I book it or scream. 

Luckily I got called to stage pretty quick so I could get the hell away from him.  I got up on the pole and started dancing like I was dancing in November.  I didn't realize how out of shape I am!  I was so pooped by the end of the first song I had to pretend to dance while I was on my knees shaking my ass with my face down during the next song.  What no one should have seen was my hair curtaining my exhausted face.

Exhaustion is not sexy. 

I made decent stage money that time because it wasn't quite dead yet.  But after that stage, the club was pretty empty.  I hate that I have to come in and work at 7 when the rush never hits until 11 or 12.

When I danced on stage while it was dead, I tried to keep working the pole but I think I spun around on that pole too fast and I got incredibly sick to my stomach very quickly and I started sweating.  I hate that feeling because it's hard to fight it back once I'm sweating.  Once I took a deep breath, I had to signal to the DJ something along the lines of,

"I think I'm gonna hurl!  Get me off this stage!"

I went to the bathroom but I didn't get sick, my stomach was just upset from not eating enough.  All I had before work for dinner was a Powerbar and some Baked Lay's potato chips.  I thought it would tie me over.  I had no appetite and I still don't. 

I left the bathroom to tell the manager my stomach is hindering my job performance and that I didn't know if I'd make it through the night.  It was still early and I hadn't been to work in four weeks and I was trying to get out early my first day back.  I knew he wasn't going to tell me to go home.

"Just get yourself some ginger ale and relax, honey," my manager said.  "Go sit down."

I ordered my ginger ale and sat alone at the bar.

As I was sipping from my soda, a customer I met on Thanksgiving showed up.  He's the one I had the intelligent conversation with.  Oh man, he is going to make me go broke if he keeps hanging out with me at the club.  He and I couldn't shut up!  We caught each other's wavelength and rode it all night.  He didn't leave until it was pretty much closing time. 

My biggest mistake, despite how much fun he and I had, was hanging out with him for so damn long.  I passed up a lot of business to talk to him.  I shouldn't have, but it was my first day back.  I didn't want to deal with any more perverts! 

Sadly I'm still using that excuse.  It's time to kick it back into hustle mode. 

Friday, January 7, 2011

First day back

It's 5 p.m. right now.  I have to be at work in a few hours and I just do not want to go. 

But it's time to make money.  The food doesn't put itself on the table.  That's the downfall of vacation.  I got lazy and used to being lazy.  I spent the whole time with my boyfriend that I absolutely love and now I'm back in town... away from him.  Again.

I have to detach myself from him again.  I don't want to.  It sucks and it tears up my heart every time I come home, but it is impossible to work and flirt with other men and be successful at it without doing this.  I have to mentally block him from my mind.  It's hard to do while sober, but whenever I think about my boyfriend I just have to close my eyes and pretend the guy I'm with at the club is him.

I have never accidentally called anyone my boyfriend's name before, and I don't think I will.  When the times goes on, and my boyfriend isn't so fresh in my memory, then I don't have any trouble at work.  The first month or so is always the worst.  I usually have to depend on my financial aid I get from school to support myself when I come home, which is a good crutch.

For now, it's time to just go to work, get saturated in that poisonous environment, and carry on just like in November.  I got my good break and now it's time to go back to being responsible, as much as I don't want to, now is the time.  Time for work.  Time to carry on. 

Time - when you have to wait for a lot of it, it's never on your side.