Thursday, December 18, 2014


A month of joy for many, and a month of SPENDING on everything but lap dances... 

So this is the month where I have been trying so desperately to convince myself it's not shitty, even though the club has been mad slow for MONTHS or maybe my game has slipped while I busted my ass in school, sacrificing work nights to have enough energy to earn the grades I need to be taken seriously in my next career.  So yeah, I've been spending a lot of time on school and I'm loving all the shit I learn.  It's fun and interesting to apply knowledge from business school to stripping concepts.  It inspires me to revolutionize stripping.  But before I write down all my hopes and dreams, let's get back to the club.  

Tonight was not a bad night.  I'm working extra hours to make up for all the shitty one-night-a-week income before Christmas robs me.  I don't normally work Wednesdays but it was Wednesday on a whim and I did a fuck ton of lap dances tonight.  Bah hahaha my ass doing the work for me.  I think it's "micro bootie shorts" that make my ass look amazing.  Every time I went on stage it yielded a dance or two after getting off.  Haha.  The club was slow but I wasn't having trouble staying busy.  

Idk what it was but I just refused to believe Wednesday night was gonna be some bullshit weeknight.  I swam with the sharks that work every night and it happened to be a good night for me, because I played tonight like a clean run of Mozart's Turkish March!  Hardly any downtime, just perfectly paced, and no big fuck ups.  I've also had time to play the brain games... Maybe that's why I was so on point tonight.  I've also had time to rest, and watch Netflix... 

I love the semester break!  It's much needed.  Funny thing about school topics integrated into stripping... Last weekend was mostly shitty, like tonight I did better than I did on Friday and Saturday night.  But the one not-shitty moment on Friday night I met this hot tech guy from California and it was so much fun to impress him with all my knowledge and experience with databases!  He was the kind of guy that makes this job hardly feel like work.  Too bad I never saw him again.  Perhaps it's for the best.  I am already spoken for.  It is a job, after all.  Maybe it's a job that one shouldn't be too good at.  Once I leave that club, the mask comes off, the game is over, back to being plain old me, who needs to pay those pesky bills and has the body to do it successfully.  I'm enjoying it while it lasts.  It's been a good run.  I'm gonna work tomorrow night then it's off to vacation land.  I'll probably work New Years after that.  Christmas is gonna leave me dry and I've taken off the last few new years.  I hear good stories from some chicks.  Maybe 2015 is when my tide comes in!  I gotta hit the gym!  I want to look good when it comes.

Sunday, November 16, 2014

Perhaps I am addicted

To this cash cow of a job.

More familiar faces at the club.  More thoughts about the risks and rewards of this gig are churning.  I guess I've made up my mind that I don't want people from school that I want to respect me knowing, and more people find out, it's just opening a can of worms I don't want to deal with.  I wouldn't lie about it, and I'll confront people who recognize me, but it's really uncomfortable and I'll always dread that situation.

The end is near.  :'(

I don't really want to quit.  Only for alternative income would I quit, and it looks like I'm gonna be in school all spring, so I really have to tread lightly for the next 6 months.  Which sucks because I sincerely enjoy this gig, even after weighing the pros and cons.

But I've been so busy keeping up with school that it's finally gonna start paying off, and I really desire a smooth transition from quitting stripping for a vanilla career.  I doubt I'll be able to turn back.  It's already very difficult to stay up and work late anyway.

It's been fun.  May the ending path feel more like a homestretch.

Sunday, September 28, 2014

Do u squat

I get that question almost every night I work.

I've been working out, but not squats, and it was so annoying hearing girls at work telling me how to work out, and they're like "all I do is squat."

I couldn't get a word in, but I just wanted to say that there are so many exercises for the butt that aren't squats, like dead lifts, lunges and abducting.  I do anything and everything to avoid doing squats because lap dances already wear out my quads, I don't need squats to look better.

I made it to work both nights this week.  I'm proud of myself for not sleeping through my shift, but I'm wondering if these sniffles are temporary.  Since I've been so tired working late I had very thin patience with the losers at the club.  I've been charging premium too because I'm too tired to give a fuck about my customers.

Lately I've been running into people from my life outside the club and tonight I think I saw one of the recruiters from the college career fair last week.  Just my luck.  Now my secret is out and everyone will know I'm a stripper.  Hopefully they'll know I'm a stripper trying to get out of stripping.

Saturday, September 20, 2014

Hardly stripping

God damn, school has been keeping me slammed, forcing me to sleep normal person hours.  I can't remember the last time I slept past noon.  I miss sleeping in, and I miss being able to sleep in.  But the productivity has been out of this world.

It's only been 4 weeks since school started, and I've only been able to make it to work once a week, and I am hating the lack of cash.  My bills are paid, but I can't buy the things I want, and it makes me wanna step it up.  Last night I was planning to go into work, but school ate up my entire day and night.  When midnight rolled around, I was rolling over into bed, not work.  I'm gonna make it up to myself tonight by going in a bit sooner than usual, though it's often a futile attempt to get ahead, I can't completely rule out the possibility that I'll put myself ahead by doing that.

School has been keeping me so busy that I can barely fit in the time to work out, and I always get nervous when I don't get enough exercise.  I'm ready for my boss to tell me I need to tone up because boss man is going on a firing spree.  The good news (maybe for just me) is that I'm getting closer and closer to retiring from stripping.  My education is going to pay off this time because I've been busting my ass and sacrificing work in order to keep my grades up and my obligations met.  I've probably lost all my semi-regulars in the process.  They probably show up, wondering where me and my dank ass are.  I bet even my fellow strippers are wondering where the hell I've been.  "Where's booty?"

I really want to work tonight.  I'm gonna try my damn hardest to stay up late tonight so I can make up for all that rest I got last night.  See I'm trying not to get sick while all this is going on.  I have exams next week and I just HATE being that person that can't stop coughing when it's all quiet.  It's so distracting during a period that requires high concentration.

Anyway, wish me luck, I'll write about tonight.  It should be interesting because I feel like I revert to noob status when I take too much time off from work.

Saturday, August 30, 2014

Ugh, Labor Day

According to a former strip club manager, Labor Day weekend is statistically the shittiest weekend out of the entire year.  Lowest numbers.

Ouch.  It felt like it at work tonight, proving the old man right.

But only at first.  As the night went on, it progressively got better for me.  I'd be going in and out of the dressing room for the first two hours of work, counting my cash, looking at the time and being disappointed with what I had.

Another high supply low demand night... I had to just wait it out.  I knew I could get some cash flow, especially when I saw other girls making money, I knew I could too, and eventually I did.

One guy said my lap dance was better than the sex he had in the past year, which as a businesswoman and a narcissist I'm pleased to hear.  Another man loved my body.  I've been doing very well making it to the gym three times this week, happy that the extra time there pays off big time.  Part of me wonders how much better I'd look if I actually went every day.  I need to fix my diet.  I can't say no to those tempting horrible-for-you foods a lot of times.  I say bring it on in fact.  If I just ate better, I wouldn't feel that fire under my ass as much.  You must be exhausted reading me be so hard on myself.  I guess It's the only way I know how to keep myself moving forward.  Anyway, back to my weird night at work...

During the last hour, I had to choose from 3 different guys and I jokingly said "highest bidder" and the guy I ended up dancing for spent the most out of any guy that night, so that was a good ending to this night.  I hope Saturday night is better, but I will expect only the most bullshit of customers because it's still Labor Day weekend and the rent is due and SCHOOL is back, FUCK!  Books are expensive, I wake up early, the classes are getting harder, I gotta do more schmoozing, this is gonna be one hell of a ride til December.  I'll try to keep posting.

Sunday, August 24, 2014

3% battery life

Overall, this weekend rocked.  I played my cards smart and most of my shifts were pleasant and lucrative.  Very seldom did I experience the anguish from being in a club saturated with the sharkiest of hustler chicks all preying on the new bachelor party that just showed up.  I waited for the tide to come in and bam, me and my big ass were in demand.  It's always so bad before midnight.  But after midnight, the rushes start hitting and sometimes that big spender shows up just before I start to get really bored.  When I get those blocks of time I feel like no one wants a dance, I just sit down, relax and tell myself, "my time will come," usually, I end up getting some kind of business, which is better than none, even if the guy is a shitbag.  But I did my best to steer clear of the handsy, wasted, trouble maker headache losers that always seem to be there to just make us girls go batty, and it worked.  Hooray for applying myself tonight!  I went home satisfied.  I can't wait for next weekend.

Saturday, August 16, 2014

August heat

Oh thank goodness.  Last night did not suck for me.  Yay!

Lots of ass men showed up and I didn't have to work too hard, though at first it seemed like I did.  Some Asian men were there and one man had his eye on me so I asked him if he wanted a lap dance but he didn't know English and his translator friend asked if I'd do one for the lowball price.  I agreed, but didn't take the cash up front (like the risk taker I am) and before the song started, the guy wanted to just grab grab grab and I was thinking, "No, I'm not starting my night out feeling raped for $20, this guy is way too invasive."  I got up less than a minute into the song, got up and said, "I changed my mind, I don't feel like dancing anymore."   The man didn't even speak English, so I have no idea if he understood me, but I just couldn't dance with that guy for $20 when all he wanted to do was touch my pussy and pull off my nipples.  I hate that!  It just wasn't worth it to me.  The language barrier also made me feel very uncomfortable.  How can I tell this man to stop touching me like a pig if he doesn't understand English?  I don't know Chinese.

Another good reason for me to stop and move on to another guy was because the club was flush FULL of customers, and I just knew it couldn't be that hard to find a gentleman instead of a pig.  And doing a dance for the lowball price when there are potentially better paying customers out there, I just needed to prioritize better.  It didn't take long to start making money.  After that little speed bump, my night got better and better.

I really hope tonight is a good night too.   We shall see.

Sunday, August 10, 2014

Came down with something

A bad case of the fuck-it's.  Last night I left for a lunch break and when it was time to go back, I felt too tired to want to try again, even though it was Saturday.  Looking at what I took home, I regret it, but factoring in everything else about last night, I'm glad I stayed home.

I'm sick of creepy people feeling my tits in the most creepy manner.  Even thinking about South Park's version of Mel Gibson doesn't make me smile and tough out the weirdos as much as it used to.

I really can't wait for my first day at my new job/internship.  Stripping was not addictive this week.  If every weekend was like this past weekend, I'd never want to continue working in this industry.  The demand for lap dances was so low, especially compared to the high supply of broke lap dancers.  Competition is such a bitch, and I know it always will be.  :(

The only enjoyable experience I had dancing for someone was this Latina woman who came in with her husband, whom didn't really partake in her lap dance.  It was mostly me and her, and the way she touched me was more like how I wish all men touched me.

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Back from a road trip

I got back home pretty late on Thursday night.  I timed it that way so I'd be able to go back to work on Friday.  Both Friday and Saturday nights weren't too bad for me, so I'm glad to get right back into the swing of things.  I was still a bit uterine from being around my mother and a handful of other female family members for a week and a half, who I discovered all inherited the holy ass I am sitting on.  Thank you, great genetics passed on from my grandmother... We are all blessed with an ass for days.

Surprisingly the club wasn't terribly dead.  The guys that came though, most of them pretty useless of course, including this one guy who used to dance with me.  He likes my doppelgänger more, though.  Told me he wasn't gonna get dances at all, but turned around and got dances with my doppelgänger just a few minutes later.  Sigh... I wasn't gonna let jealousy get in my way, just let it push me to move on and get that money.

Saturday night I met a hot Canadian man and he was a young Pisces like me.  It was hard to say goodbye at the end, but he made my night a lot better than it could have been, so I was thankful.  He looked kind of like Steven Stamkos from the Tampa Bay Lightning (hockey team), so I was eating it up, haha.

My hustle is probably pissing off my co-workers because I've been low-balling to get a high turnover rate through the summer, and because I need guys to come back and see me, and low prices simply get those results better than gouge prices.  A lot of the other dancers say what their prices are backstage, and I think, "God, no wonder no one wants another dance from you."

I'm sure some of them think I'm an idiot because I could be charging more money, but every night I am satisfied with what I take home, so they can think what they want.  I get busy fast, especially when the regulars are there, and to me, the name of the game is to stay busy doing dances, and I'm quite successful at it.  So nah nah nah boo boo, stick your head in doo doo.  My hot summer sale is what keeps me constantly busy when the club is shitty and dead.

Saturday, July 19, 2014

Slow and frustrating

Just like traffic.  Tonight sucked.  Too many girls, not enough money, sigh.

No heroes.  Just a few good looking men, but they weren't paying good, so that was kind of lame.

Summer is settling in.  August will probably be total garbage.  I hope I don't cry and go into a PMS rage like last year.

My poor ass was getting a lot more smacks than usual.  I fucking hate it.  My super ass is a curse as much as it is a blessing to me sometimes.

Some young guy asked me to walk him to the ATM and then he didn't want a lap dance from me, and then asks me if I can go find Candice and have her meet him near the palm tree on the other side of the club, and I thought, "You haven't given me a fucking dime, so screw you, I'm not your fucking hostess who will just totally drop everything and help you out for free, especially if you want to spend that money you took out on some other bitch!" I didn't even know who Candice was, so I honestly couldn't help him anyway.  But I felt like a lot of guys wanted to wear out their welcome tonight, and it was exhausting since the money was slow.  Like, way too many creepy lingering ass grabs for one stinkin dollar, it's just not enough.  It should cost more for people to touch my body like that.

Ok.  Enough whining. I honestly want to do more lap dances, so I hope I'll get to tomorrow night.

Sunday, July 6, 2014

Holy dead club Batman!

Since last night was the 4th, it was much slower.  I didn't expect anything great this weekend, but surprisingly I didn't end up doing that bad.  Always very slow at first, and it seems like when it gets later, the money gets better.

I've been busting my booty trying to stay thin so I don't get fired.  I fucking hate that my metabolism isn't as awesome as it used to be.  My love for fattening food is what will end my career as a stripper if I don't hurry up and get a real job.  I've been so hungry all week!  I can't stop eating.

One guy had a lot of money to burn because he won some cash at the casino.  I love guys with good luck lol.  What was the most interesting is that he didn't stink like most of the men I dance for.  It was "refreshing." I got my creep on and enjoyed the smell.

I've been really trying to improve upon my business model as a stripper, as silly as that sounds, but I've been concerned with customer service and revenue.  I wanna hustle but I don't wanna hustle so hard to the point that I lose future sales.  It's tough to gauge everyone's budget.  I honestly want people to be happy they got a dance with me.  So they'll want more.

Here's something to make fun of: this clown, and I'm sure there are lots of dudes like these, but this guy who says I'm so hot and says he used to date a stripper so he knows how the game works.  So instantly I realize he is worthless in my book, and he still thinks I think he is cute, but in reality I thought he was disgusting and wondering why his hands were so sweaty.  Ugh!  Gentlemen, please keep your hands clean and dry, that would be ideal, kthx.

Sunday, June 29, 2014

Awe, come on!

That's all I've been thinking all night.  Tonight was the most pitiful night of the month.  Fuck June, fuck summer.  I'll probably wanna die by the end of July, and August is historically awful.  Well, last August I only worked weekends and I must have lucked out on a lot of those nights, because it's always been very dead with too many girls working.

Which brings me to my next hilarious story.  My boss told me to tone up because boss man has been cutting girls left and right.  I'm hoping she only told me that because she likes me and doesn't want to see me get fired.  I mean, I know I've been slacking on the cardio, but nothing gets past my boss' unrealistic expectations for "skinny." He won't have fatties working, but I still think I look pretty damn athletic.  I don't need that shit, but I'll listen to her damn advice and straighten up.  I'll be hitting the treadmill every Monday through... Sunday.  Honestly, my big ass and thighs are gonna be the end of my stripping career, despite how much literally every customer and co-worker loves them.

And sadly, no real money heroes tonight, which means I took home a lot less than usual.  It's still better than waitressing, but god dammit I get naked and give people lustful trips.

I'm gonna have to up my hustle, and clearly not just the money hustle, but my gym hustle as well.

And that's another part of my job that really sucks, the pressure to stay pretty and thin.  And I just made a fucking pie, too.  It's gonna have to be my last one for a while.  :(

And summer is just getting started.  Fuck being skinny.  I wanna eat what I want!

Saturday, June 28, 2014

Train Wreck

I wish I could smoke some train wreck right now.  After tonight, I could use some high-powered bud.  For like the first 4 hours of my shift, I was making "kill yourself" money, just unacceptable levels.  The "I won't be able to pay my bills" kind of low income.  :(

Not to mention the constant rejection.  My approach must be horrible, or 99% of the guys that showed up were absolute stingy douche bags that happened to love my ass.  Well, they could all tell me but not show me.  I should lower my expectations, especially for younger men in groups, just all so full of fucking shit!  Dollars in their mouths, rather waste their money on blow and liquor than lap dances, even though they would be missing out on a much more exciting trip.

The club was rather empty with too many girls working, so that made it worse.  All the hustlers got the easy guys before me.  It's just the summer settling in.  Not only will we be sweating our asses off the next two months, but we will be sweaty and broke.

So maybe tomorrow night will suck, maybe it will rock.  I hope it rocks, because I have needs.  Those needs would be for cash.  I need a hero.

Have a happy Saturday!

Friday, June 27, 2014

Happy Friday

I hope it's a happy Friday for you, because lately, summer has been kind of sad.

I've been getting B's instead of A's in my summer classes.  I'm slipping, and it's because I'm exhausted.  I hope my actual break is long enough before the fall starts.  The classes are only getting harder and I've really got to straighten up.  My plan to GTFO of this job is finally making progress, and I can't lose focus.

Money has been getting slower at work.  The summer of shitty pay is just getting started.  I need a hero.

This heat is ridiculous, I can't wait til football season.  Stay cool, I'll let you know how the weekend goes.  I'm so excited to go and make some money!

Saturday, June 14, 2014

Handling Friday the 13th

Since it was Friday the 13th, I expected bad luck, but I didn't completely dismiss the opportunity to make money, so I went in at midnight, when it officially became Saturday the 14th.  As I expected, the club was not heavily populated with horny guys but with hormonal girls all looking to make money.

So I put on my slow-play strategy and decided to not give a fuck and just do business as I got it.  Eventually, I got a good guy who could afford to make my night awesome, and not just monetarily, either.  Sometimes this job is an escape for me since I work such few hours every week.  It helps me escape all the dryness from summer school.  And it helped that the guy was really hot and smart, and I remembered dancing for him a long time ago.  I was really happy to see him, especially since I figured he would just never come back.

I hope tomorrow night is awesome.  I have a feeling it will be.

Take care, have a great weekend.

Saturday, May 31, 2014

Just trying to have fun

Well, no big fish for me tonight, but a lot of small ones and a lot of big tips.  I got two people to tip me twenties on stage.  Fuck yeah.  And a lot of fives too.  Overall, tonight was good.  Dealt with a lot of pigs and just tried to keep taking money.  Some of the guys weren't too bad, and it was nice when they made my job feel easier.

I finally got to thank Super Stripper for her advice from last month.  She was so excited.  She was like, "I told you!  I knew it would work.  Girl, you got that ass, no one can say no!" 

Shit.  My ass has been getting fat from my lack of working out.  Trainer is on vacation so I've been living the fat life.  Cheat day became cheat week.  I've been too busy to cook dinner, and all this restaurant food is making my ass grow.  I better cut that shit out before it travels to my tummy and gets me fired.  Fuck I can't wait to quit.  It sucks being required to be thin.  I love to eat and I've been so busy I'm too tired to work out.

So that translates into my ass being bigger and juicier and it's kind of working out to be an advantage, because it was a very young, douchey crowd.  But there were some ass men.  I'd say the best dance I did was for a black lesbian.  I loved riding her clit and she loved my ass, so it was fun, hehe.

School has been rough, so it actually felt good to let my hair down and still make money.

Hope you all are having a good night.  Time for a shower.  Some guy I danced for stunk really bad.  I wouldn't be surprised if I end up with a bacterial infection.  So if you'll excuse me...

;) goodnight love ya

Sunday, May 25, 2014

Still running

Life is full speed ahead for me.  My brain is feeling the pain of summer classes.  I have no time for anything.  I made it to work this weekend.  Friday was good, Saturday was about the same.  Lots of douches.  Trying not to remember their bullshit anymore.

Sunday, May 11, 2014

Bipolar weekend

I knew mother's day would make my weekend suck somehow.

Friday night was great for me.  The club was kinda dead but the dudes in there just loved me, and they were all kind and generous and I made lots of money, it was a good night to be me.  Just pure bliss.

Saturday night, however, complete opposite story.  I really almost wish I stayed home.  My poor, delicious ass got assaulted by a bunch of young black people for less than $10 on the stage, someone most have been wearing a ring because it stung and hurt so bad I just couldn't keep my cool.  I fucking hate it when people aren't considerate enough to know that I'm a human being WHO FEELS PAIN.  I got up and walked away from them, didn't say thanks, don't care if they think I'm a bitch.  I hope they knew they were being assholes, because another dancer told me they did that to her too.  I had to leave the club for like an hour to cool off; I was getting hormonal.  PMS = Pass My Shotgun

I came back to work, telling myself I'm not crazy.  I just needed to act like a responsible adult and go back and sell dances.  I figured the crowd had changed up and those black people had left.  When I walked back into the club, sure enough, they were gone, and there were plenty of new faces and interested looks.  It wasn't long before I was doing lap dances for decent guys.  One guy tipped well, enough to offset my disgust at the other low-ballers.  One of them was a hot tennis player so it wasn't so bad and the other was this young guy from Saudi Arabia who had breath that smelled like pure shit, and of course he was the one who wanted a chain dance.  I almost didn't want to make money off him.  Almost.

I finally got home early this morning and the first thing I did was shower to wash that stink off of me.

Yesterday, I would have said I love my job, but tonight reminded me why I need to hurry up and get the fuck out of this industry.  I'm just so over the bullshit.  I don't like it when losers treat me like meat.  I took way too much shit tonight and such few dollars to show for it.  Maybe I should switch to phone sex or play therapist for a few nights.

I think I might pay my therapist a visit.  Interesting how the past weekend resulted in such a wonderful high on Friday and a terrible low on Saturday.  I really hope next Saturday breaks the cycle of shitty Saturdays.

Anyway I'll try to lighten up.  Summer school will keep me distracted from stripper stress.

Friday, May 2, 2014

Exams are over, back to work

Finally, the spring semester is over and I can go back to work and make some money.

Tomorrow I'm gonna wake up late, go to the gym, have a nice Friday afternoon, then work late and make a bunch of money.  Gonna get my hustle on.  My greatest excuse for up charging will be, "I'm sorry, but gas prices went up too."

I just hope that the money's flowing and that all the pervs didn't have a rough April too.

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Academic takeover

Sorry I haven't been posting lately.  I have been spending a lot of time cramming for tests.  I'll be done in a week.  I have one A locked in so far, 3 more to go, one will be easy, the other two I need to work very hard for.

I totally skipped work because I have nothing good to say about Good Friday or Easter, so I partied that weekend and didn't make a dime.  Not such a good time to do it financially but by now I've gotten used to the rectal pains in my bank account.  I barely avoided over drafting, we'll just leave it at that.

I'm forced to take Friday off since I have a test early on Saturday.  So inconvenient, but it's the price I pay for being a student before a stripper.  I'll just go back to work on Saturday and just explode with all this potential energy I've stored up.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a test that's not gonna ace itself.

Sunday, April 13, 2014

Nothing but complaints, except...

I don't really want to go into detail as to what those complaints are.  I'll let you figure them out for yourself.

So here's what happened over the weekend: dead club for both Friday and Saturday nights.  Most of the money I made was on stage on Friday so I left after working for two hours, just too tired even act.

Selling lap dances was pretty difficult.  Most guys just wanted to save their money, I guess.  Another dancer and I were wondering if it was thanks to tax season or something.  Certainly anyone who would have gotten a refund by now already got it.  Anyone with money who didn't get a refund, well, they have to PAY by next Tuesday, so it would make sense that not a whole lot of customers showed up.

Eventually, though, I caught a big fish.  I couldn't allow myself to leave early on Saturday, despite how crummy I was doing making money.  I was so bored I talked to some of my co-workers, trying not to display a shitty attitude about how slow it is, but we all knew it was abnormally dead for a Saturday.

One of the really successful dancers (as in, she is ALWAYS doing dances - her nickname will be Super Stripper) was backstage and talking about how if she's not making money, nobody's making money... I guess I'd brag about that, too.  I'm sure she has a lot more experience and works more hours than me.  She is also exotic and tiny, which is perfect for this job.  Yep, I envy her, but at least it's for the right reason.  So she knows best what works in this job, and she said to me, "Just turn around and look at him like this (turns head over shoulder) and go, 'let's go dance,'" as she reached her hand out by her stuck-out booty.

I laughed at first, but she was 100% serious.  "I'm telling you, you should try it!  I bet it'll work."

God, now that is how someone displays confidence.  So I tried it.

Back to landing that big fish.  I really did not expect it to happen, because I was still convinced that every guy in the club was just not interested in spending money on me.  So I went up to this black guy that told me to come back after I rushed him for a dance before I had that conversation with Super Stripper, and I walked over to him, eyes locked on his, smiled and said "heyyy, soo," I kept my gaze on his, turned my body and walked over to the chair at the stage and as I looked over my shoulder I bent over and asked him, "you ready to go dance with me yet?"

Boom, it fucking worked.  I finished the rest of the night with that guy.  Woo hoo!  Who knows if it's true, but he was a big dude and he said he was in town to play ball, which means NFL football.  He didn't want the night to end, but to ease the blow at the end of the night, as I walked away, I said, "I'll see you on TV!"

I'm gonna need to remember to thank Super Stripper for her advice next time I see her.  Shit, she is good.

Sunday, April 6, 2014

Yep, March is over.

Just to remind me that March was over, the money gods ensured that my first Friday of the month would suck balls.


But I overcame that shitty night and did well tonight.  I'm super happy.

Overall, this week has been very busy.  I've been keeping up with MOST of my assignments and MOST of my workouts.  My pecs are sore.  My personal trainer thought it would be a good idea to work out my upper body as well.  Every last dime I spend on personal training pays off.  I noticed the trend.  My income has increased simply because a fit body is more marketable.  Lately, more guys have been asking ME to do a lap dance for them.  Hell yeah.

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

The month of hell is almost here!

Last year, the month of March was amazing, and this year it has been so far.  I'm just sad that it's almost over, the same way a bipolar person feels when their manic phase is about to end and they know their depression phase is about to begin.

I need this month to be good so I can afford to pay my taxes before the 15th.  I need a side job so I don't have to claim my ass dollars.  Self-employment is expensive if you don't pay quarterly.

There is some good news for me, probably not for this blog, though.  But I am so tickled to say that I have finally seen the light at the end of this stripping tunnel.  Since I've been in business school, I've explored the internship opportunities for students with my major, and they are awesome.  The internships actually pay (unlike journalism internships) really good money.  Many pay over $20 per hour plus overtime.  With that kind of pay, I can afford to quit stripping for good, and I have never been able to say that before.  It feels so amazing to know that I CAN make good money without stripping.  I just need to stay focused on my GPA and to continue networking with real professionals and the successful students.

Judging from the past years, April sucks in a lot of ways, especially when I was a student.  For the spring semester, April is usually the last month, which means the pressure is on to finish out the class strong and ace the final exams and projects.  No fucking around allowed.  Not just school wise, but work wise, my nightly earnings decrease AND I gotta pay my taxes.  April has always been the month of hell and I'm sure it will be this year, too.

Sunday, March 16, 2014

Happy Spring Break!

God damn, it's been busy!  FUCK YEAH!

Most of the people I danced for this weekend had money to blow.  I was there to take it.  All kinds of good luck happened to overshadow any kind of contempt I had from last week.  Both nights were stellar.

Usually I don't take the time to uncrumple really tiny wadded dollars on stage, but this time I did and it turned out to be a $20 bill.  Did that just happen?  I had to look at it for a second to make sure I wasn't tripping.  I had no idea if it was thrown at me or someone else, I had no idea who threw it.  All I knew was I discovered it and no other dancers pounced me so it's mine.

Some rich old dude was living large and giving his friend unlimited lap dances with one of my coworkers and he seemed to like me so he just kept slipping twenties.  Why, money gods, can't EVERY NIGHT be like this?!

Why is March the only time people are amazingly generous?  Maybe because it's still Pisces time, and I had to make the most of my last night in my element.  Next Friday is Aries time, but I might still rake because it was good all last March until the last week.  And that was only because of Easter.  I never had any luck with good Friday.  As far as I'm concerned, that is a night to avoid.

A lot of people were celebrating St. Patrick's Day, which means they were wasted, and I don't think I did a dance for any of those dudes.  Most of them said really stupid, fucked up shit that made me want to walk the fuck away, like "eww get away."  A lot of them made the "buying a lap dance is ludicrous" face when I made the close.  I hate drunk customers most of the time.  The only time I like them is when their drunkenness makes them spend more money on me.  Other than that, I run away from drunks.

The last group of drunks I dealt with were these Brosephs that wanted to tip me on stage.  I was getting a little money skirt going with all the dollars stuffed in both sides of my panties (YES) and they kept calling me "ammo belt." When I bent over, they fell in love with my ass and kept saying ammo belt.  When they got annoying,  I went on to the other side of the stage to collect tips from other admirers and this other dancer walked over to them and started putting up with their crap.  After I got the tips from the other side, the bros wanted me to come back over, and one guy was trying to compare my ass to the other girl's, and I knew it was a game to try to get me to work harder for them, so I just laughed at them like that was the most ridiculous thing I'd ever heard.

One guy I danced for was young and super fit.  He fell in love and I had to get expensive to get him to stop asking me to meet him outside the club and cheat on my boyfriend with him.  When he left, he forgot his phone and keys (because he was too high) and then someone else wanted me to do a dance.  I saw the hottie looking for his stuff, but he didn't check where I was, so when I finished with the other guy, I took the phone and keys and looked around the club for young hottie.  As he was about to get another lap dance, I kindly interrupted and he was so excited to see a stripper do something honest.  He actually tipped me a $20 for just bringing over his stuff.  Sweet!  I'm glad I didn't turn it into lost and found.  Who needs middlemen?

So overall, this was a great weekend.  I was very busy and didn't have to put up with too much crap, and had a lot of great, lucky moments.  Time to spend some of this money on a massage.  I've clearly earned it.

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Welcome back, DST

Not only did I lose my power hour (2 a.m. to 3 a.m.), I lost out on lap dance money.  Fuck this weekend and the stupid clock change.  This is when it negatively impacts life.

I am so mad at men right now.  Some young guy ran up a tab for $100 worth of lap dances and he didn't pay me.  It makes me sorry I don't charge up front.  The reason I don't is because 99 percent of the time I get paid after I do the dance, even for tabs higher than $100.

I am going to be so fucking corporate and cold next weekend.  I'm not cutting corners anymore.  I hate to take nonpayment so seriously because that's the risk I take, so yes, that one percent of the time I don't charge up front, I dance for free.  It just happened to be this weekend.

It makes me think of bad debts to creditors.  It can be a lucrative business collecting from people who owe, but not every person pays them back.  I wish I could've ruined this guy's credit, lol.

When he told me he left his wallet in the car, the moment I realized I wasn't gonna get paid, one corner of my upper lip started twitching involuntarily, which is the microexpression for "contempt."  I got so mad because I spent all that time dancing for that piece of shit when the club was full of paying customers, but I spent almost half an hour listening to him talk about himself and how he wants to take me outside the country.  The fact he wasted such valuable time to me made me take it personal.  Not only was I robbed of my revenue, I was robbed of the time I could've used being productive.  I felt so stabby the next day.  It's been a while since I've been this rattled over work.  It makes me want to tighten up so hard.

If it's amazingly busy next weekend, I'm not gonna fuck around.  I gotta get back on my game, up the control.  No more chain dances, no more wheeling and dealing if it's not up front.  I've been kind of soft with my prices lately, trying to give everyone a good deal.  Well it's March, and if the going's good this month, I'm gonna take more measures to maximize my profits.  I'm happier when I get paid more.  So now it's time to break out the brass balls because I am so pissed off.

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Where does a dancer hold her cash?

I didn't think of this before just jumping into stripping.  But one reader who is considering dancing asked me this so here are my thoughts.

Normally, I keep my cash in my wallet, but I don't carry my wallet around when I try to sell dances.  So what do I do with the cash I receive throughout a shift?

I am a garter girl.  I keep it on my thigh with the cash folded over it and secured with a rubber band, so it's always within reach and actually ON me.  Some girls carry a small purse around the club.  I'd be afraid to lose it on accident.  This is a preference specific question.  Some methods work better for others.

But a few rules that have served me well:

#1: Always keep your money on you.  Don't just throw it in your locker.  Lockers get ransacked by junkie new girls that haven't been fired yet and there's no recovering it once she's out the door.

#2: Do not loan any of your money to other dancers, or anyone for that matter.  You won't get it back.

#3: It helps to keep your money straight and organized.  If you got a pile of ones, try to straighten them out as you go.  If the money is flowing on stage, it's likely the money is flowing for lap dancing too, so try not to spend too much time fixing ones when you could be earning far more doing dances.

I definitely DO NOT recommend the tip jar shoes, especially because I take off my heels when I do dances, therefore my money is not on me, and is at risk for ending up missing.  I would not take that chance.  I used to have a pair when I first started dancing, and found that if someone put coins in them, they'd clank around and everyone would know where I was walking.  I'm stealthy, so that was a problem.  But even having cash in them is annoying.  There is a little compartment that opens up where you seat your foot so it's not like it's hard to get the cash out, but again, I don't like not having my cash physically on me.

So if you wanna roll with a garter but don't like the thigh garter, you can wear an ankle garter and it'll always be right above your foot.  Just make sure to always fold the bills over the garter once it's on, and secure them with a rubber band.  Do not come to work without rubber bands or a way to get them.  Most of the time, the door girl or manager will have them, but in case they don't, you'll want to have some with you.

Another way to keep your money secure that I've seen is to strap it to your wrist or arm.  Some girls use hair ties because they're softer than rubber bands, but it's virtually the same concept as the garter method.  Wear a hair tie (that doesn't cut off your circulation) around your arm or wrist, fold the cash over it the same way you would with a garter, and secure with another hair tie or rubber band.  You could even go a step further and put another hair tie around the stack to tightly secure it to your wrist.  Without it, your stack will flap around on your arm but still be attached.

There are many more ideas and tips on the Exotic Dancer Net forum.  Before I went back to school, I was very active in this community of smart, brilliant, like-minded dancers, and there is a wealth of information and help for new dancers.  One of the members posted a YouTube video showing how to strap it to your wrist, but it might not be available anymore because I just looked for it and couldn't find it.  :(

So, I hope this helps, Rebel.  Thank you for asking!

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Shifting priorities

Normal people, time to hate me again.

I worked one night this week, and made the best of it.  I would have worked two nights this weekend if I didn't put off my project to the last minute.  So I sacrificed a Saturday night to work on school stuff.  My inner corporate cocksucker is flipping out.  I'M NOT SAVING ANY MONEY!!


It's hard to choose between money now or better money later.  

Right now, I'm a student before I'm a stripper.  

Somehow that makes me happier.  

Monday, February 24, 2014

Stop neglecting the blog

Sorry, I just love real life so much.  I am not a good example of a young technology user.

I've been working hard at school lately, and my grades reflect that.  I'm probably gonna get straight A's if I keep my game up.  Cannot fall behind, you see.

And it's Pisces time!  Fuck yeah!  Birthday... :D

I have been having a LOT of strange moments in the last 5 days.

On the 19th, I sat down at a tutoring table of two other Pisces, one had the same birthday as me, and the other was two days before mine.  To me, what are the odds?

And I had a lesbian stripper good dream last night.  One of the hotties just dragged me to some magical bed that somehow appeared in the club and we had hot wet lesbian 69 sex, making each other come... Yeah.  I spell come right, fuck CUM BECAUSE IT'S SO DUM TO SPELL LIKE THIS.

So somehow I ended up getting cash because I guess we were still in the club and some people watched (I had no idea because I was too busy eating pussy) and I said something to urge them to toss forward some dough for this epic show, and I ended up counting a bunch of BIG bills, shocked at the generosity.  I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one having fucked up dreams lately.

And last weekend, I got recognized by someone who must know me by my real name because he was FUCKING SHOUTING IT ONE TOO MANY TIMES!


It didn't help that I reacted instead of acted, because I looked them dead in the eyes when they yelled my name.  And then I turned around after I didn't recognize them, knowing its too late, they KNEW it was me.

To the ladies that are new to dancing or considering it, this is the harsh reality of working at a good strip club near where you grew up.  Eventually, someone from your past winds up there and DEFINITELY recognizes you.  You can't pretend you are someone else at that point and it is one of the most awkward feelings in the world, especially if you aren't very outspoken about your "night job."

So other than that, my weekend rocked.  I was on fire, customers blew ALL of their cash on me, it's definitely good when that happens.  Hope it's March starting early, or I'm just getting way hotter because I've been hitting the gym?  I'm gonna shut off my arrogant hose and enjoy this coming month.  I'm hoping for record highs.

Everyone enjoy the next few weeks being brilliantly weird and amazing.

Sunday, January 26, 2014


Woo hoo tonight was super busy again!

The club was FULL of jackasses.  Omg.  Like think about the dudes from Jackass.. Except they're straight.  Dollars in their mouths, WASTED, all got their ones out but not really handing them out, all of them were trying to access my ass without really tipping what I wanted, so I moved on to the other stage patrons.

But I was still within reach of the last jackass of that group, and he kept backhandedly smacking my ass so I bent over again, setting up the tease.  I grabbed my bra out of my pile of ones and snapped it in his face the way you'd snap a wet towel and I got him good!  RIGHT IN THE FACE!  It felt so good to retaliate!

What was even better is that he seemed to have liked the gesture, so I didn't get in trouble, because I totally know we can't exactly "hit back" but this time the risk paid off righteously.

I also totally had to play operation avoid creeper.  I bargained for a $25 dance for one song and we sat down in the middle of a song and he started getting touchy before I even took off my lingerie.  I really hate when guys try to make me work for more than what we agreed to, especially when they try to touch my fucking pussy.

"Don't get used to that," I said as I stiffy grabbed his wrist.  "You're not allowed to touch me there."

"Oh but rules are meant to be broken."

Oh hell no.  All before my official song started.  I was so done with this SHIT.

I put my shoes back on, got up and said, "I actually need to pee, I've been holding it for a while, do you mind if I hit up the ladies room before we boogie?  I'll be right back."

I didn't mean that last sentence.  Or any of them, for that matter.  I just needed to get the hell away from him.  With all those other guys that could potentially pay me more AND behave better, my sanity alarms were all buzzing.

On my escape route, I ran into a frequent customer and he kept me occupied long enough for the creep I escaped from to see me dancing with him, and I looked at him like, "ha, fuck you, I'm dancing with him, not you."

So yeah, tonight was total victory.  I love my job.

Saturday, January 25, 2014

Horny is normal

Last night was very busy.  Making money wasn't that difficult overall, but it could have been better if the club wasn't saturated with time-wasting LOSERS.

I encountered far too many men that were willing to get lap dances but more willing to save their money.  UGH!  I hate the fake out.  Karma's being a bitch again.

Someone asked me if I thought all the dudes that came to the club were creeps.  I said, "no, most of the guys that come in here are just normal, horny dudes.  Horny is normal." There is no need to judge dudes that feed my paycheck.

I need to up my game.  I feel like I could have made double what I made last night judging by how crowded the club was.  It didn't help to be tired.  I slept in today, so hopefully that won't be a problem tonight.

Wish me luck!

Thursday, January 23, 2014

Where the hell have you been?

I've been observing markets.  Sorry, let me shake off the economics terminology.

In general, most people need to build back their spending power during the few weeks after Christmas and New Years.  So January ends up being slow in the club.  So I didn't go.

Let me tell you how broke I am... Just kidding.

I worked last Saturday and I earned well above average for that night.  I love it when it's super busy.  I always say, "I wish every night was like this!"

But that's pretty much the only day I've worked this month.  I'm gonna make up for it this coming weekend.  There is a big party in town, so I gotta rest up because it might be just as busy as last Saturday.  Last year, during the same week I broke record numbers for almost each night.  I'm praying for that kind of success this year.  PLEASE money gods!  I've been so good!

Seriously, I've been studying my ass off, hitting the gym, committing to this EARLY schedule that ruins my ability to stay up all night when I work.  I miss waking up at 2 in the afternoon.  But the sunshine makes up for it.  

I'll try to post sooner than later.  I'm feeling so optimistic.  I'd love to brag about what a great fortune teller I've become.

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Chilling out

The routine is starting up again.  School, exercise, stripping, sleep.  Try to get shit done in between.

When did the COLD weather get thrown into the mix?  The weather here is usually hot so I am a shivering little pussy when the wind blows.

Stay warm, everyone.  Blankets, hats, gloves, scarves, whatever you gotta do.  Fuck shivering.

Friday, January 3, 2014

It's a new year

And I have not been stripping.  Death in the family induced an unplanned trip to the north, where there's snow.  Ugh, I hate snow.  

So I've been utilizing my vacation from stripper town quite well.  I'm doing things so anti-stripper, it's gonna get me fired.  Basically stuffing my pie hole because traveling makes me ravenous.  I haven't worked out AT ALL.  I'm gonna get that talk if I'm not careful.  

But I'm back in town already, away from that shitty cold weather, about to skip another weekend.  My inner corporate cocksucker is going insane at me for skipping a weekend with a shit ton of bills, not to mention price increases on literally everything I buy.  I don't wanna have to charge more for lap dances to pay the bills.  But I remember trying to work that weekend after new years last year.  Worst kind of dead I've ever experienced.  I'd like to not relive that.  So I'm gonna get wasted!  Woo hoo!  

Then it's back to school.  I love school.  I have a feeling I'm going to love this spring.  I'm gonna manage my time better, get fit and educated.  I'm ready for the challenges I'm about to face.  I'm also ready to take time off work this weekend so I can be financially challenged like a real student.