More tips for noobs

This one is for the ladies.

You might be brand spanking new, or maybe you've been dancing for months.  Either way, I'm sure these tips will benefit you in the long run, if you plan to keep dancing.

- Save your energy for the big bucks.  If you haven't caught on already, doing lap dances or rooms is the way to make the most money in the shortest amount of time.  Sadly, stage tips haven't gotten any bigger in the past three years.

So I say this with the hottest blood because I am FUCKING SICK of watching new dancers do this.  STOP GETTING ON YOUR KNEES/SPREADING YOUR SHIT/TWERKING FOR ONE DOLLAR.  Stop it.  Just stop.  In fact, don't do anything extra.  A dollar these days is fucking pennies when it comes to actual purchasing power.  You are not a god damn soda machine.  The ONLY time you do something awesome on stage for someone is either for yourself or for a larger bill denomination.  $1 should not motivate you at all.  $5 should make you budge just a tiny bit.  But really, save your energy for when you're actually getting paid.  MAYBE if they're making it rain, but as soon as those dollars stop falling in front of you, stop dancing, look at them and say, "Hey, why'd you stop?"

Bwahahaha.

-Ask for a tip.  I've said this before, because more times than not, you get extra just by saying it when it comes time to pay.  If you do this with every customer, the bonuses add up.  It becomes your bread and butter.  You're not being crass or homeless.  Say it like "everyone tips."  Sometimes, a guy will tip too much (SCORE).  But as often as that happens, sometimes the guy will ignore "plus a tip" and pay what he owes.  Don't let it phase you.  All you have to do is ask, it's no more effort than that.

-No matter what the price, you must tell someone who asks "how much?" the highest amount of money you can charge.  Don't cut deals unless you are asked to, and don't cut deals you're not happy with.  If you don't like doing 2 for $40, don't do it.  (If you do 2 for less than $40, find another club, you aren't earning enough) People that only do one song are only one step above "complete time wasters."  So you shouldn't feel bad making them pay premium.

-For your sanity, don't dance for the rapey guys.  Most of the time, the money you receive from grabby creeper won't cover the therapy sessions you'll need after dancing for him.

Times you should RUN:

Whenever a guy asks "what can I do?"

That usually translates to, "I want to get my money's worth, so can I touch your pussy?  ...can I pinch your nipples?  ...I want to push the limits."

He will be a fucking headache.

Spotting time wasters: usually you can't tell until you talk to them.  This is why you should always ask for a dance within 30 seconds of talking to someone.  I usually don't open with "wanna dance" because my success rate isn't as high as asking someone for a dance with a quick intro right before the close.

I read something about advertising and it said that people usually turn away from anything that sounds ad-like.  You must make them feel comfortable and remind them it was their idea, because it really is - why else would they come to the club?

So open with something casual, friendly and flirty.

You: "Hey, how's it going?"

Customer: "Good, you?"

You: "I'm great.  Wanna go dance?"

Sometimes that's all the intro you'll need.  It's not wrong to cut to the chase.  You are not being pushy.  If he seems hesitant, he may need some "time."  The most successful dancers I've worked with have this ability to say no to "no."

It's hard to tell when he actually means no, but as time goes on, your judgment will get better.  Sometimes guys need a little persuasion, but there are guys that want you to keep trying to persuade them.  Remember, more than 30 seconds is too long.  If he doesn't budge after that much time, chances are he won't budge for many more minutes.  Don't waste them.  Lap dance time is valuable.  Politely excuse yourself from that loser and move on to hunting down a guy that will actually pay for your excellent lap dances.

The way I see it, if you're not doing dances or working in VIP, you're "on the shelf," which includes being on stage.  Focus your energy on being "off the shelf."  Don't waste time.

I tend to bash the stage only because I've been working long enough to not care about it anymore.  If you're awesome on the pole and your epic stage routines yield fat tips, by all means, make that money.  But your epic stage show should result in someone wanting to spend mad dough on lap dances with you.  If it doesn't, ask yourself if all that twisting and turning you just did was worth it.

One last thing, and this is important.  PAY YOUR TAXES!  If you are paying your bills with stripper money, depositing stripper money into your bank account, it can be traced and you must claim that money as income on your federal tax return.  If you are making bank, you can afford to pay taxes, but you must be diligent in setting that money aside so you don't spend it.  It is a common mistake, but the world is getting better at tracking money and if you leave a paper trail, you need to be ready to explain yourself... And pay.  It sucks, because often the tax expense as an independent contractor can run up to a third of your income.  If you make bank, you better save some for the IRS, because it is illegal to underreport income, not file at all, or try to cheat in some way.  Don't be a greedy whore.  Stripping is legal income and you should be proud of yourself for being able to keep yourself straight with the IRS.

Alright, I think that's enough for now.  I'll think of more later.

Ladies, hope this helps.  If you're a guy, I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, but I'm positive I'm not the only dancer who feels this way.