Sunday, June 2, 2013

Watch your mouth, racist!

I seriously do not get paid enough some nights.  This is gonna be a whiny one.

Welcome to summer, where everyone's budget tightens up tighter than a homophobe's ass hole.

Some meat head earned a nomination for this year's biggest douche bag.  This guy was tan, he looked like he did steroids, and I bugged him for a dance.  He looked at me, didn't answer me, pulled out his money clip and started peeling through his hundreds.

Ok, this whole flashing your big bills thing is so not cool unless you actually spend them.  If you don't, you're an ass hole.  He didn't even tip one dollar, so I asked him if he wanted to dance.

"You know what?" he said.

"What's that?" I replied.

"I hate niggers," he said, plain as day.

I looked around to check for black dudes.  WTF dude, do you WANT to die?

"Watch your mouth, you don't want anyone to hear that."

"I'm just saying," he shrugged and did the sheepish "not guilty" face.

Oh my Gawd!  Shake my head!  Racism is such a turn-off.  I think nigger should be the new term for racist.  It is short for "ignorant" after all.

Later I saw him at the juke box and he played Cannibal Corpse, which is the farthest thing from strip club appropriate.  He earns a troll nomination for that, too.

So besides dealing with douche bags, tonight's take home was just like last night: weak.  Everything is pretty much going toward bills.  I can't save anything.  Fuck rent week.

I'm taking the next few days for myself.  I'm gonna heal up my sore muscles.  I feel like I was breaking my back for these guys.  Someone was tossing a lot of singles on the stage but only when I got on my knees to really shake it.  Ugh, I'm not 21 anymore.  I can't bounce like I used to.  I don't know how some girls continually slam their heels on the stage.  I'd like to see a girl make it look like she slammed down into a split, but without making any obnoxious noise.  I'd make it rain for the ninja stripper.  I think ninjas are hot.

I need more dudes.  The crowds are too thin.  I think I'll have to craft my fast, slow hustle.  I need to work out more long-term deals.  Just a few of those dudes that want to do like 5 songs for $100 can really save the night.  But if I don't catch any of those big fish and I'm stuck with a few guys that only want one freakin dance, the money sucks!

I should go pick up some literature on how to master the art of persuasion.  Feel free to make a recommendation.