Sunday, November 10, 2013

Aren't you worried about stalkers?

Whenever I talk to "outsiders" they ask me this whenever I tell them what my night job is.  By outsiders, I mean people outside the strip club industry.

My answer is, "well duh!"

There are several controls that can be implemented in every stripper's trek home after a long night of leading on horny men.

1. Dancers get walked to their rides when they exit the club.  Side note for dancers reading this: if your club does not provide this service QUIT WORKING THERE AND FIND A CLUB THAT DOES.  Bitches get robbed and kidnapped without this control set in place.

2. If you drive home after midnight, it's relatively easy to spot someone following you home.  Even in crowded cities, the roads clear up after midnight.  So dancers, keeping your eyes peeled and having your cell phone handy solves the stalker problem.  Make a detour to the police station if you don't feel safe.  Don't stop any place that requires you to get out of the car.  Don't get gas or cigarettes, but drive-thru munchies are alright.

3. Whenever I talk to customers, to build rapport we sometimes ask each other little small talk questions and share a little personal info.  Whenever someone asks me where I LIVE, I do not answer truthfully.  I say I live somewhere that will send any stalker on a wild goose chase.  NO customer needs that info, so they'll never get it.  It's critical to personal safety to exercise extreme caution whenever someone wants you to talk about yourself.  

Those are the main controls I implement.  There are several more but I won't disclose that on the stalker-subscribed Internet. 

Goodnight y'all!