The month of hell is almost here!

Last year, the month of March was amazing, and this year it has been so far.  I'm just sad that it's almost over, the same way a bipolar person feels when their manic phase is about to end and they know their depression phase is about to begin.

I need this month to be good so I can afford to pay my taxes before the 15th.  I need a side job so I don't have to claim my ass dollars.  Self-employment is expensive if you don't pay quarterly.

There is some good news for me, probably not for this blog, though.  But I am so tickled to say that I have finally seen the light at the end of this stripping tunnel.  Since I've been in business school, I've explored the internship opportunities for students with my major, and they are awesome.  The internships actually pay (unlike journalism internships) really good money.  Many pay over $20 per hour plus overtime.  With that kind of pay, I can afford to quit stripping for good, and I have never been able to say that before.  It feels so amazing to know that I CAN make good money without stripping.  I just need to stay focused on my GPA and to continue networking with real professionals and the successful students.

Judging from the past years, April sucks in a lot of ways, especially when I was a student.  For the spring semester, April is usually the last month, which means the pressure is on to finish out the class strong and ace the final exams and projects.  No fucking around allowed.  Not just school wise, but work wise, my nightly earnings decrease AND I gotta pay my taxes.  April has always been the month of hell and I'm sure it will be this year, too.

Happy Spring Break!

God damn, it's been busy!  FUCK YEAH!

Most of the people I danced for this weekend had money to blow.  I was there to take it.  All kinds of good luck happened to overshadow any kind of contempt I had from last week.  Both nights were stellar.

Usually I don't take the time to uncrumple really tiny wadded dollars on stage, but this time I did and it turned out to be a $20 bill.  Did that just happen?  I had to look at it for a second to make sure I wasn't tripping.  I had no idea if it was thrown at me or someone else, I had no idea who threw it.  All I knew was I discovered it and no other dancers pounced me so it's mine.

Some rich old dude was living large and giving his friend unlimited lap dances with one of my coworkers and he seemed to like me so he just kept slipping twenties.  Why, money gods, can't EVERY NIGHT be like this?!

Why is March the only time people are amazingly generous?  Maybe because it's still Pisces time, and I had to make the most of my last night in my element.  Next Friday is Aries time, but I might still rake because it was good all last March until the last week.  And that was only because of Easter.  I never had any luck with good Friday.  As far as I'm concerned, that is a night to avoid.

A lot of people were celebrating St. Patrick's Day, which means they were wasted, and I don't think I did a dance for any of those dudes.  Most of them said really stupid, fucked up shit that made me want to walk the fuck away, like "eww get away."  A lot of them made the "buying a lap dance is ludicrous" face when I made the close.  I hate drunk customers most of the time.  The only time I like them is when their drunkenness makes them spend more money on me.  Other than that, I run away from drunks.

The last group of drunks I dealt with were these Brosephs that wanted to tip me on stage.  I was getting a little money skirt going with all the dollars stuffed in both sides of my panties (YES) and they kept calling me "ammo belt." When I bent over, they fell in love with my ass and kept saying ammo belt.  When they got annoying,  I went on to the other side of the stage to collect tips from other admirers and this other dancer walked over to them and started putting up with their crap.  After I got the tips from the other side, the bros wanted me to come back over, and one guy was trying to compare my ass to the other girl's, and I knew it was a game to try to get me to work harder for them, so I just laughed at them like that was the most ridiculous thing I'd ever heard.

One guy I danced for was young and super fit.  He fell in love and I had to get expensive to get him to stop asking me to meet him outside the club and cheat on my boyfriend with him.  When he left, he forgot his phone and keys (because he was too high) and then someone else wanted me to do a dance.  I saw the hottie looking for his stuff, but he didn't check where I was, so when I finished with the other guy, I took the phone and keys and looked around the club for young hottie.  As he was about to get another lap dance, I kindly interrupted and he was so excited to see a stripper do something honest.  He actually tipped me a $20 for just bringing over his stuff.  Sweet!  I'm glad I didn't turn it into lost and found.  Who needs middlemen?

So overall, this was a great weekend.  I was very busy and didn't have to put up with too much crap, and had a lot of great, lucky moments.  Time to spend some of this money on a massage.  I've clearly earned it.

Welcome back, DST

Not only did I lose my power hour (2 a.m. to 3 a.m.), I lost out on lap dance money.  Fuck this weekend and the stupid clock change.  This is when it negatively impacts life.

I am so mad at men right now.  Some young guy ran up a tab for $100 worth of lap dances and he didn't pay me.  It makes me sorry I don't charge up front.  The reason I don't is because 99 percent of the time I get paid after I do the dance, even for tabs higher than $100.

I am going to be so fucking corporate and cold next weekend.  I'm not cutting corners anymore.  I hate to take nonpayment so seriously because that's the risk I take, so yes, that one percent of the time I don't charge up front, I dance for free.  It just happened to be this weekend.

It makes me think of bad debts to creditors.  It can be a lucrative business collecting from people who owe, but not every person pays them back.  I wish I could've ruined this guy's credit, lol.

When he told me he left his wallet in the car, the moment I realized I wasn't gonna get paid, one corner of my upper lip started twitching involuntarily, which is the microexpression for "contempt."  I got so mad because I spent all that time dancing for that piece of shit when the club was full of paying customers, but I spent almost half an hour listening to him talk about himself and how he wants to take me outside the country.  The fact he wasted such valuable time to me made me take it personal.  Not only was I robbed of my revenue, I was robbed of the time I could've used being productive.  I felt so stabby the next day.  It's been a while since I've been this rattled over work.  It makes me want to tighten up so hard.

If it's amazingly busy next weekend, I'm not gonna fuck around.  I gotta get back on my game, up the control.  No more chain dances, no more wheeling and dealing if it's not up front.  I've been kind of soft with my prices lately, trying to give everyone a good deal.  Well it's March, and if the going's good this month, I'm gonna take more measures to maximize my profits.  I'm happier when I get paid more.  So now it's time to break out the brass balls because I am so pissed off.

Where does a dancer hold her cash?

I didn't think of this before just jumping into stripping.  But one reader who is considering dancing asked me this so here are my thoughts.

Normally, I keep my cash in my wallet, but I don't carry my wallet around when I try to sell dances.  So what do I do with the cash I receive throughout a shift?

I am a garter girl.  I keep it on my thigh with the cash folded over it and secured with a rubber band, so it's always within reach and actually ON me.  Some girls carry a small purse around the club.  I'd be afraid to lose it on accident.  This is a preference specific question.  Some methods work better for others.

But a few rules that have served me well:

#1: Always keep your money on you.  Don't just throw it in your locker.  Lockers get ransacked by junkie new girls that haven't been fired yet and there's no recovering it once she's out the door.

#2: Do not loan any of your money to other dancers, or anyone for that matter.  You won't get it back.

#3: It helps to keep your money straight and organized.  If you got a pile of ones, try to straighten them out as you go.  If the money is flowing on stage, it's likely the money is flowing for lap dancing too, so try not to spend too much time fixing ones when you could be earning far more doing dances.

I definitely DO NOT recommend the tip jar shoes, especially because I take off my heels when I do dances, therefore my money is not on me, and is at risk for ending up missing.  I would not take that chance.  I used to have a pair when I first started dancing, and found that if someone put coins in them, they'd clank around and everyone would know where I was walking.  I'm stealthy, so that was a problem.  But even having cash in them is annoying.  There is a little compartment that opens up where you seat your foot so it's not like it's hard to get the cash out, but again, I don't like not having my cash physically on me.

So if you wanna roll with a garter but don't like the thigh garter, you can wear an ankle garter and it'll always be right above your foot.  Just make sure to always fold the bills over the garter once it's on, and secure them with a rubber band.  Do not come to work without rubber bands or a way to get them.  Most of the time, the door girl or manager will have them, but in case they don't, you'll want to have some with you.

Another way to keep your money secure that I've seen is to strap it to your wrist or arm.  Some girls use hair ties because they're softer than rubber bands, but it's virtually the same concept as the garter method.  Wear a hair tie (that doesn't cut off your circulation) around your arm or wrist, fold the cash over it the same way you would with a garter, and secure with another hair tie or rubber band.  You could even go a step further and put another hair tie around the stack to tightly secure it to your wrist.  Without it, your stack will flap around on your arm but still be attached.

There are many more ideas and tips on the Exotic Dancer Net forum.  Before I went back to school, I was very active in this community of smart, brilliant, like-minded dancers, and there is a wealth of information and help for new dancers.  One of the members posted a YouTube video showing how to strap it to your wrist, but it might not be available anymore because I just looked for it and couldn't find it.  :(

So, I hope this helps, Rebel.  Thank you for asking!

Shifting priorities

Normal people, time to hate me again.

I worked one night this week, and made the best of it.  I would have worked two nights this weekend if I didn't put off my project to the last minute.  So I sacrificed a Saturday night to work on school stuff.  My inner corporate cocksucker is flipping out.  I'M NOT SAVING ANY MONEY!!

My inner good girl has to be louder to prevent madness.  DID YOU MAKE ENOUGH TO PAY THIS WEEK'S BILLS?  THEN YOU DIDN'T NEED TO WORK SATURDAY!  THINK ABOUT YOUR FUCKING GPA, FULL TIME STUDENT!

It's hard to choose between money now or better money later.  

Right now, I'm a student before I'm a stripper.  

Somehow that makes me happier.