Thursday, April 4, 2013

I don't have insomnia, but...

I can't sleep at night because I sleep all fucking day.  Ugh, I've let my sleep routine get more backwards.

I have a feeling I'm gonna be working day shift in a couple of weeks.  At least if I keep waking up so late it's early.

But because I stay up well into the morning, I can get things done that can't be done at night.

I went back to my college campus and went to the career center and signed up for some counseling.  I have an appointment in a few weeks.  And I need to be up during the day for that.

I felt so awkward when my counselor asked me to email her my updated resume.  Shit.  Fucking shit.  I haven't touched my professional resume since I got rejected for that radio job over a year ago.  I gave up, and I'm sick of being sorry I wasted my education.  My student loan statements remind me every month that giving up is not an option.

Time to DO something.  It's my weakness - DOING something.  It's so much easier for me to think, not do.

So I decided to make a new resume from scratch and followed the general resume template.  When I got to "work experience," I just hung my head into my chest.  What the fuck to I put for my work experience?  My old McJob from way back?  God, no wonder I couldn't get hired.  My resume is pathetic, in my opinion, but then again I'm my own worst critic.

If I had the balls to put dancing on my resume, I'd make it look like a real job on paper.

Work experience
Employer: "Most awesome nude lap dancing club in town" (not saying my actual club)
Dates worked: 2012 to present (because that's where the gap in my professional timeline begins)
Position: Hostess and Entertainer
Duties: to greet new customers, perform on stage, and personally entertain willing participants.

Excellent communication skills
Customer service
Problem solving
Ability to think on my feet
Close attention to details
Performing under pressure
Cash handling and money management

But no matter how tempting it is to be honest about my night job, I don't think professionals in the vanilla (real) world would pick a former erotic entertainer for the job opening.  It's just too stigmatized because the majority of strip clubs around town hire train wrecks, and that's what they'll think of me before they ask me for an interview.

I know this is a really unconfident post, but I think I'm right about this, and I hope more that I'm wrong.  I wish I knew the person who knowingly hires former dancers.

I hate job seeking.  I've had so much time off from it, I forgot how to be good at getting a job, even though I feel like I'm getting a job the second I sell a lap dance.  A job that lasts for one song.  I need something a bit more long term.