Get me out of here!

Tonight sucked.

Let me explain.

It's the first official day of summer.  So even though it was Friday night, Fridays have been great at sucking, especially during the summer.

Fuck summer.  And fuck these douche bags that try to fucking test me.  The night was already going really slow, and I hadn't caught a sale in a while.  When some guy finally said yes, I sat him down and got to the dance.

"This is my first time in a strip club," the douche bag said.

I don't care.  In my opinion, this means trouble, or it's really true.  But either way, I've gotten so much bullshit from dudes that have mentioned that before a dance.

"Is this your first dance, too?" I asked.

"No, I got one from this other girl, but you're way hotter."

Gee, thanks.

"She went over a few rules, no touching in certain areas and no licking, right?"

"That's right.  No touching my pussy and no reaching into my grand canyon."

Probably a minute into the dance, everything seems fine until I get my hand wet and sticky from touching the side of my boob.

"EW, what is this?  What did you do?!"

"It's just a little spit, the other girl said it was okay."

OH MY FUCKING GOD WHAT ON EARTH MAKES YOU THINK THIS IS OKAY YOU FUCKING PIG?!

"No, that is not okay, that is gross, give me my money."

I could've took the cash up front.  I didn't.  I'm so fucking stupid for that.  So all I got was $20 since I ended the dance early.

I didn't bother haggling since before he said he would pay $25.  Fucking douche bag.

One more post to add to the reasons why I need to fucking quit this job.  I hate being treated this way.  I really try not to get emotional, but this really upset me.

Just for you, daddy.

Happy Father's Day, dads.

I committed another cardinal stripper sin: I slept through Saturday night's shift.

"Okay, but you're gonna be bitching about money," my roommate said as I went to my room to take a "power nap."

These power naps are supposed to be about 30 minutes.  Last night my power nap lasted 11 hours.

So I traded a potentially awesome Saturday for a few hours of shut-eye.  And my body feels fantastic.

I at least worked on Friday night for a short period of time.  I'm still wired to the day clock so I started yawning all over my customers around 1:30, and the money pretty much stopped flowing.  I took that as a sign to leave.

So I worked like 4 hours this week.  Yes, call me a lazy piece of shit.  I deserve it.  I'm so broke.  I should just do the unthinkable and work tonight from 8-midnight.  I keep hearing about this shift and I just want to test it one day.  Tonight might be the night.  I could also talk myself out of it just as easily.

We'll see.  I'm due for some interesting stripper stories anyway.  This blog sucks right now.

Mouth health

I saw the dentist earlier today.  Overall, my mouth is in good health.  The hygienist told me I had lovely teeth and I'll have lovely teeth when I'm old only if I keep up on the maintenance, which includes flossing once every 24 hours.

I suck at remembering to floss.  Ugh, it's so tedious.  But so necessary.   Whenever I get around to it, after I finish, I tell myself I should be doing it every day.

And as a stripper, it's important to have good mouth health.  Customers are often close enough to be able to smell my breath, so brushing teeth before work is in the "getting ready" routine.  I might as well add flossing to the mix.  

The dentist also asked me what was going on with my life.  I couldn't say much, honestly.  I guess I am kind of boring lately, in case you noticed my lack of activity.  I'm just in a big waiting phase, waiting for my school life to come back, getting lots of sleep and trying to mentally prepare myself for the busy life ahead. 

I'm thinking these are the right decisions to make.  I've gotta fix my life on paper, and I still need to make money.  I'm trying to keep that perfect balance.  It's tough.  I have to constantly work at it.  I guess that's life.  I'm resting, but hardly.

Shift work sleep disorder

It's not exactly insomnia, which is the condition for people with normal working hours that can't sleep.

Shift work sleep disorder is the sleeping disorder people get when they work kooky hours like me.  I think I might be suffering from this.  At least my money is suffering.

I missed a Friday night because I felt like passing out right when I was supposed to go to work, around 9:30 p.m.  The thing is, I like to get my sleep between 7 a.m. to 3 p.m.  But many times, I stay up past 7 a.m.  The worst thing about staying up past 7 is that I can't go back to sleep and I end up staying awake well into the morning, sometimes the afternoon.  Once I pass out around noon, I don't wake up until its dark outside, which makes me feel backwards as a human.  So I try to reverse this problem by napping at night, but that only led to me waking up too early to stay up late at night, where I'm at right now.

I guess most people would be happy to be naturally waking up at 5:30 a.m.  Not me.  Ugh, there is nothing to do at this hour.  I'm usually unwinding, getting home from work, not just getting started.

I'm gonna take this event as a wake-up call (ha, get it?) to go see a doctor.  Maybe a little ambien after 7 could help me stop staying awake into the morning hours.  I really don't want to become dependent on drugs, though.  Hopefully I can quit stripping before this sleep cycle ruins me for life.

Watch your mouth, racist!

I seriously do not get paid enough some nights.  This is gonna be a whiny one.

Welcome to summer, where everyone's budget tightens up tighter than a homophobe's ass hole.

Some meat head earned a nomination for this year's biggest douche bag.  This guy was tan, he looked like he did steroids, and I bugged him for a dance.  He looked at me, didn't answer me, pulled out his money clip and started peeling through his hundreds.

Ok, this whole flashing your big bills thing is so not cool unless you actually spend them.  If you don't, you're an ass hole.  He didn't even tip one dollar, so I asked him if he wanted to dance.

"You know what?" he said.

"What's that?" I replied.

"I hate niggers," he said, plain as day.

I looked around to check for black dudes.  WTF dude, do you WANT to die?

"Watch your mouth, you don't want anyone to hear that."

"I'm just saying," he shrugged and did the sheepish "not guilty" face.

Oh my Gawd!  Shake my head!  Racism is such a turn-off.  I think nigger should be the new term for racist.  It is short for "ignorant" after all.

Later I saw him at the juke box and he played Cannibal Corpse, which is the farthest thing from strip club appropriate.  He earns a troll nomination for that, too.

So besides dealing with douche bags, tonight's take home was just like last night: weak.  Everything is pretty much going toward bills.  I can't save anything.  Fuck rent week.

I'm taking the next few days for myself.  I'm gonna heal up my sore muscles.  I feel like I was breaking my back for these guys.  Someone was tossing a lot of singles on the stage but only when I got on my knees to really shake it.  Ugh, I'm not 21 anymore.  I can't bounce like I used to.  I don't know how some girls continually slam their heels on the stage.  I'd like to see a girl make it look like she slammed down into a split, but without making any obnoxious noise.  I'd make it rain for the ninja stripper.  I think ninjas are hot.

I need more dudes.  The crowds are too thin.  I think I'll have to craft my fast, slow hustle.  I need to work out more long-term deals.  Just a few of those dudes that want to do like 5 songs for $100 can really save the night.  But if I don't catch any of those big fish and I'm stuck with a few guys that only want one freakin dance, the money sucks!

I should go pick up some literature on how to master the art of persuasion.  Feel free to make a recommendation.

A more summer-like pattern

Good god the club was depressingly slow.  Welcome to summer, folks.

At least I'm not in tornado alley, what shit their weather's been this past week.  While they're getting their roofs blown off, I'm stewing in the hot, humid south, thanking the air conditioning gods.

I hate it when guys catch on to the fact all the girls are doing shitty.  They start to think it's okay that we are doing bad and want to chat me up for free.  UGHH come on, chat me up while we dance, sheesh.  Any conversation that I do for free is such a waste of time.

One guy sounded like a journalist doing a story on strip clubs, so I made sure to be as uninteresting as possible.  His first question was, "What made you start dancing?"

My super obvious answer, "Because I needed money."

He was waiting for me to expand upon that idea.

"And there is great freedom, too."

He was confused.

"I have great freedom being able to choose my schedule.  I can skip a shift without calling out sick, I can show up late or early, it doesn't matter."

Then I thought, "Enough questions, let's dance."

So I asked him for a dance and of course he "couldn't afford one."

Motherfucker.

Tonight was such hustle fail, there were NO guys, and the few that came in were cheap, dirty pigs.

I was hoping a money prince would save my night, and the one guy who I thought would be that guy ended up having to leave because of his stupid pig friends.

Every customer I danced for got my "come back soon" line.  I need guys to come in this summer.  I can't go broke, I need to pay for college again.  Fuck.  I need a new envelope for "tuition."

I'm not giving up, I'm just simply not caring about the hard times of summer.  I need to work hard.  This month of May I skipped EVERY Thursday night, and I actually didn't do that bad for the month as a whole, even with that shitty mother's day weekend.  I'm probably going to stick to only Friday and Saturday and just turn it on for those two nights and rest up every other night.  I'm too exhausted to waste my time on the weeknights.

I've been keeping up with my workouts this week.  I felt very confident with my body, and it's been getting positive attention, so that's been getting me through the tough times.  Hopefully I will have a better summer than last year.  We shall see.

Doing doubles

Tonight went well.  For most of the night, I paired up with our only Asian girl, and we danced for so many guys.  She is awesome, because her hustle is so different from mine.  I'm more subtle, and she is more aggressive so most of the time, she would pick out some guys and I'd tag along.

I'm not used to doing double dances.  I usually work alone, but I think I would enjoy working with her more.  Guys love us.  We tell them they get the best of both worlds.

And since she is Asian, I tell the guys I'm from Brazil so I'm just as exotic as her, hehe.  Most of the guys believe it, even though I don't look Brazilian at all, except for my butt.

This one couple from Venezuela said they loved my bum bum.  It's the butt lift working its magic.  :)

I'm happy I did well.  I want to work tomorrow night because it's Memorial Day on Monday, and the bouncer said it is always busy on that Sunday.  I could use a little bonus.