Thursday, May 2, 2013

Douche night

I had lots of practice dealing with douche bags on Saturday night.  I got a lot of those one-liners I love hearing so much.  

While I was dancing for an ugly, young drunk guy, he asked, "You give blowjobs?"

I was a little shocked because I hadn't heard it in a while.  I don't think I give off that vibe but when you're drunk, you get those vibes whether they're there or not.

"Uh, no," I replied.  "I am a lap dancer only."

"So you're just gonna charge me money and leave me hanging like this?" he said as he looked down at his hard on.

"Yes, I do it every day."


"But I want a little more than that.  I want to come," the horny drunkard begged.

Stop crying!

"I'll tell you where to get that since you're being so honest."  As I collected the money, I listed off a few places in the area that had their reputations for giving orgasms.

I'd like to think I handled that well.

When I was on stage, there were a bunch of guys in their mid-20s all with wads of singles in their hands.  So I got in front of one of them and did my usual intro dance to get some quick dollars.  I don't bend down until I know I'm getting paid, so when he didn't reach out to tip after staring at me for a good 15 seconds, I stretched out my garter to demand it (because it usually works, even if the guy isn't into me), and he gave me my favorite line of bullshit.

"You gotta work a little harder than that," he said as he held up one dollar, waving it like a doggy treat.

OMG no I don't, I'm already naked, you got to see my pussy, it's YOUR turn to pay!

But I really said nothing and slowly moved on.  Fuck that guy.  I'm not busting my ass for one stupid dollar.  He was a douche bag, worthy of no attention.

Making money was like pulling teeth all night tonight.  One guy even offered to trade molly (some kind of ecstasy) for lap dances.

In my head I was thinking, "First off, I don't dance for drugs.  If I need drugs, I can buy them with the money that I get from lap dances, but I don't need molly and even if I did, I wouldn't go through you, a stranger I met at my JOB.  I don't even know if your shit is even good or if it's even REAL!  It could be baby powder for all I know."

But I said, "Hope you make some money soon, let me know when you want to dance."


Ugh!  Get away, scum!

I learned this early on in my dancing career: don't buy drugs at the strip club!  It's never a good decision.

Not much quality.  No handsome money princes.  Lots of chaos.

The moon was full this weekend.  Imagine that.